The Kingdom belongs to such as these

Today I want to share with you a story of obedience and hope. What began as a simple urging to fast and pray for my wife and children turned into so much more, so very much more. In this post I will share the first half of my journey to meet the Lord in the mountains.

A Hike

It was two Saturdays ago. I asked my brothers in my men’s group “Have you ever felt the urge to get away and pray for an extended time? Half a day in the wilderness, I feel called to go on a hike to be with God and pray.” In these moments I felt a sense of self consciousness come over me. I love these guys, they are like brothers, I did not want to appear self righteous, I did not want to seem better than them. Actually I know that they are in many ways my betters in the faith. My question came from a sincere and vulnerable place. I had never felt this urge before and pondered if they had.

Their answers were non specific; they talked of seasons of prayer for specific causes, for the need of prayer lists, even good books on prayer life. As happens to me from time to time, their answers seemed fuzzy and missed the heart of my question. I came away feeling like they had not answered me at all. Had they never felt this urge? Did I word the question in an unclear manner? I do not know. What I did know was that I had an odyssey to plan.

Planning the Trip

I chose the day carefully, December 27^th. Far enough after Christmas to be uncomplicated yet prior to the weekend when my couples small group had an event planned. The most significant activity to plan and execute was the 24 hour fast prior to the hike. This had to be entered into prayerfully and with commitment. I love to eat I knew that only for God would I forgo eating. The fast was hard. Taking my mind off of eating was very challenging especially with Christmas leftovers sitting temptingly in the fridge. When the urge to eat became unbearable I would bow my face and pray. Each time I did so the Lord granted my temporary relief from the hunger gnawing at my belly.

The day began innocent enough. I packed a backpack with hiking boots, frozen (the night before) water bottles, nutrition drinks (just in case), my cell phone (emergency use only), my ipod (with a vast array of Christian music), the book Restored (Neil Anderson) and most importantly my Bible.

A Cold Winter Wind

I was dressed in layers to ward off the early morning chill and what I expected to be breezy conditions on the south side of the San Gabriel Mountains, I would not be disappointed. I walked the two mile distance to the edge of suburbs to the start of the North Etiwanda preserve. Those who have read my posts will know this is the place I ride my mountain bike and go to pray often. I listened to Restored the whole way thanks to Brian Hardin who read the book as part of his podcast ministry Daily Audio Bible. Mr. Anderson’s book is excellent and a must read for Christians at any stage of their walk. I stopped to pray often as the hike up is intense, a great primer for what was to come.

The early part of the hike was to retrace the path of my mountain bike rides. I stopped and prayed at my normal bike ride place. I continued on to the site of my private worship session when I was promoted a few months back and prayed again. Then onto the areas I had not yet covered. There is a high plateau in the hills just before the actual mountains that can be seen from anywhere in the city. It is unremarkable except that there are two mature Pine trees standing sentinel over it. It is such a contrast to see deep green pine tress in a sea of scorched brown hill side. For the entire 7.5 years I have lived here I have considered hiking to this place, all the while imagining that God himself would meet me there. The hike was hard straight up no breaks other than those I took. True to form there was a strong cold gusting wind working against me the whole way up. The fast I had been on was now taking its toll digging into energy reserves I did not know I had. Yet I soldiered on believing that God would meet me on this plateau.

It was both distressing and fascinating to see the hand of man on this hillside. I had expected pristine hardly touched landscape but instead found spent shotgun shells, broken beer bottles, and random debris scattered along the worn out trail. At one point I saw an old Dodge Van used as target practice. I rusted hulk riddled with the blast holes of gunfire.

A Plateau but not a Peak

I arrived at the plateau with a sense of jubilation. Now I will pray, now the Lord will meet me. Funny how things worked out, this was the most underwhelming part of the trip. I said a prayer but felt that although God was with me he had something else planned. So I took a break, took some photos and took in the view of the inland empire stretching our before me. It was quite a sight but this place was not to be the highlight of the trip.

I continued onward and upward, I hiked up till I ran out of trail and the very mountain range was upon me. The wind here was bitterly cold and the sweat off my back soaked my cloths turning into a chill to the bone.

I will post the rest of the story of this wonderful trip in a few days.

In the meantime I wish everyone a happy and blessed new year

May our Heavenly Father bless you richly and be with you always throughout this coming year

Ron

Merry Christmas Everyone

Merry Christmas

Last week I shared how difficult it is for me to enjoy the Christmas season. I am excited to share that this year was different. For all the reasons I cited in the past two posts I took steps to change. I made what gift giving I did engage in meaningful and specific. I spent time quality with my family but most of all Christ was in the center of our Christmas.

Christmas Eve was spent in worship with close friends at our church. The “carols” were powerful and focused on Christ’s entry into our world and the providence he represents. They were so powerful I found myself swept up into the worship of the moment praising our heavenly father. Christmas morning was spent first in scripture Isaiah 7:14, 9:6-7, 53:2-6, Luke 2:1-7 this was followed by earnest prayers by my children. Rather conveniently our pastor had made a point of sharing these verses and placing them in a prominent place in our bulletin. Not like an answer to prayer to earnestly seek to start Christmas morning in the bible… Nah!

The best part of the day was watching the emotion of my wife as she opened the gifts I had carefully selected for her. What a joy! A great day in the loving embrace of family. At the end of the day I realized I had not yet listened to my daily bible reading courtesy of Brian Hardin at the Daily Audio Bible. As I listened to Nehemiah, Revelation, the Psalms and Proverbs, it was if being wrapped in a warm loving Godly hug. As the bible readings ended I played Chris Tomlin for a while and had my own private worship session as I slipped off to sleep.

Merry Christmas everyone

Ron

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind, your soul

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:29-31

If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you have no doubt heard this well known verse. It echoes through the halls and rafters of churches throughout the world. After the great commission and John 3:16 this has got to be the most famous of verses in the bible. Yet for all the time I have known this verse its meaning has always seemed so obvious to me. That is until about 5 weeks ago when our pastor used it in discussing authentic Christian relationships.

Maybe you already get this, but in the past I looked at this verse and saw the instruction to love God and to love your neighbor only. The neighbor part can be difficult at times especially when someone wrongs you, but the message is clear. Love your neighbor anyway. In fact there is another verse that says very clearly to treat your enemy with kindness, no mistaking the instruction right?

Well there was a nuance in the words that our pastor pointed out which was not previously clear. Love your neighbor how? Love them as yourself? WOW!

Do you love yourself?

In my last post I mentioned that I was going to pray about why I struggle with Christmas. The Lord very clearly gave me this verse as an answer to my prayer. I will explain.

What exactly does it mean to love yourself in a Christian context?

Do you accept yourself for who you are? Do you wish you were taller, better looking, richer, more eloquent, more healthy, less lonely?

At various times in my life I have struggled with some of these. As a leader I know that physical appearance inexplicably matters. To be six foot instead of five foot ten, to be charismatic and energetic in a room of strangers. I would be lying if I said I did not sometimes want this. To not have to deal with the uncertainty of life and be financially secure wouldn’t that relieve some stress. Heck I have always dreamed of being a professional hockey player too, lets through that old bone in!

These wants and dreams are not who I am in Christ. My heavenly father made me in his own image, he knew me before I was born. He had plans for me!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Who am I to imply through selfish desire that the Lord’s design for me is imperfect? An arrogant ungrateful ignorant fool perhaps. Who am I not to embrace who he made me? Who am I not to discover who I am in Christ and live it for all I am worth? Who am I to selfishly consider myself over his creation?

Well who am I? I am a child of the most high God, created in his own image, designed for a purpose, made to love and worship my heavenly father, made to serve his people. As I have discovered and grown in the gifts he has bestowed upon me, I have learned not only to accept myself for whom I am but to marvel at how wonderfully the Lord put me together for his purpose in my life. The closer I get to his purpose in my life the more joy I feel in my being.

So I accept myself but Love?

Well yes it gets a bit complicated here for me. Emotion and empathy are not my strong suit, yet the Lord has been growing these in me steadily. I have come to embrace who I am and find joy in being who I was made to be. The more joy I feel the stronger the positive emotions I feel about myself.

There is another side to this though. I have come to see where I am weak, where I am challenged. While I still dislike these aspects of myself, in the past there was shame, disgust, embarrassment and many other negative emotions. The Lord has revealed to me that the areas I am weak, the areas I struggle, they too have a purpose. When I hear of someone who fails publicly in areas I struggle I have empathy not judgment and condemnation. I have a strong desire to minister to others and love them because of my struggles not in spite of them.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

In some small way I think this is similar to what Christ did for us. I believe we are called to take on the burdens of others, to help them through their pain, just as Isaiah prophesied Jesus would.

Forgiveness

A key piece of this love puzzle is this concept of forgiveness. We cannot truly love ourselves and hate ourselves at the same time. So when we behave in some way that contradicts who we are we must confess it to the Lord to receive his forgiveness and we must forgive ourselves also. After all our sin was nailed to the cross of our savior, who are we not to forgive ourselves.

So I have learned to love myself. I accept who I am, I embrace God’s gifts in me, I use my weakness for God, and I forgive myself.

When I live this model well my ability to love others increases and my desire to spend time with others also increases. When I stumble the exact opposite happens, I detach and desire distance from others.

Christmas

When I was a boy the real meaning of Christmas was a mystery to me. My focus at the time was on the presents, I am not proud of this, embarrassed actually. The thing is I knew the Christmas story early on, it was told each year in mass. The story never came to life for me though; it was simply an elongated gospel reading that prolonged the time away from my new toys and stuff. As I grew the story did not change much. It always seemed that the commercial aspect of Christmas trumped the spiritual but then I had an unstable foundation. In the renaissance of my faith I have a strong yearning to connect with Christ, to put him in his rightful place at the center of Christmas.

So you see there are significant forces that always seem to steal the joy of Christmas. (Or said more correctly there are forces that I allow to interfere with my Christmas experience. I am responsible here, no victims allowed!) First my own weak sense of experience in a joyful meaningful Christmas and second my tendency to withdraw when faced with parts of me I don’t like. So each year I enter into the season as a broken record hoping for a better result and unclear how to change the experience. The result: yet another disappointing Christmas.

It is often said the first step in learning is to become aware of what we previously could not see. Is the greatest commandment the answer to a joyful Christmas? Yes I think so. I must love God fully and all the while love my neighbor as myself.

Merry Christmas

After more prayer and thanksgiving I expect this will be a different Christmas for me.

Father I praise you

for your Son

for you word

for revelation

for Christmas

for the greatest gift ever given

I praise you

amen

Ron

Tis the Season...

Christmas…

For all the significance this event has, for all the wonder that is Christ, I struggle with Christmas.

I would really like to understand why. When I am done with this post I will pray about this very thing.

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Is 7:14

I love the Old Testament prophesy announcing the virgin birth. I love all the wonder associated with the Lord Jesus Christ. I often want to find a way to make Christmas worship more meaningful. I want to thank God for the miraculous gift of his son.

All the while the world swirls around me and my family. The pervasiveness of consumerism is oppressive. Buy this, indulge in that, no payments for 90 days, credit trouble we can finance you, spend spend spend.

This is not what Christmas is about.

I want a Christmas where Christ is central. I want a Christmas where we wake up on Christmas morning and pray first. I want a Christmas where the glory and honor go to God not to man.

I am not big on Christmas carols. I struggled with this for some time. Fortunately I have learned that it is not that I do not like carols. It is just that I am frustrated with the same ones over and over and over and over and over. You get the point.

Last Christmas out of frustration, I purchased a Mercy Me Christmas CD. It was a mix of older songs sung their way and their own music. I loved it. This year my wife and I purchased a Jars of Clay Christmas CD, I love it too.

Praise God I can honor him in song with music I love that does not seem tired and old.

There are some things I like about the season. I eagerly anticipate this months Adopt a Block Saturday. Sharing the season of life and giving with those in need, now that is exciting! Of course I do this every month though. I look forward to meeting with my small groups and basking in our friendships, celebrating the season. I look forward to spending time with family and friends reinforcing the love that exists between us. I look forward to reaching out to old lost friends and strangers and the hope of new or renewed relationships.

What will bring me a true sense of joy in this season? Worship? Giving? Service? Time with family? New traditions? Old traditions? All these will play a role I am sure.

What works for you? How do you put Christ in Christmas?

I think it is time I prayed…

What if God ran Google…

The other day I was messing around in Google analytics marveling at the statistics it provides. It shows me where people who visit this site come from, how they found it, how long they stayed etc. I wish it told me your names so I could thank you for reading this work, but it does not.

What I have learned is that most people who visit do so organically. A googleized term meaning you typed in a search word and clicked onto the site. No big deal right? It is actually. 80% of the people who find the site do so through organic google searches.

You see I did not set out to build a popular site, frankly I am happier to be in obscurity since I am being uncomfortably transparent here. So if you don’t tell your friends about the site, fine, really! I set out to honor God. I set out to document my own faith journey and in doing so hoped that it might touch some person who might find God themselves in part from reading my story. That is it the only goal.

Funny thing happened in Google analytics when I realized the significance of an 80% organic score with a healthy growing reader base. I was hitting near the top of search phrases in google! That is the only way people who do not know me were finding the site.

I am humbled to discover that for certain search phrases I was coming up on the second and even first page of google results. This stunned me. Imagine being in the top twenty results of hundreds of thousands of hits even in tens of millions. For those of you who may not know it is commonly believed that if you do not show up on the first three pages of google people will not find you since they either refine their search or stop looking further. So here I am on page one and two. What keywords were amplifying my search results?

how do I know if I am saved

This question when entered into google spits one of my blog posts out at # 17 of 12,900,000 results!

When I saw this and realized the post actually was not even intended to answer this question directly I was shaken. You see google has a complicated algorithm it uses to rank the importance of web articles and returns them accordingly. It returned my post in the top 0.000013% of all results.

I do not believe this is accidental, a coincidence, even a fancy algorithm, I believe this is God at work using this post to reach out to those curious about what it means to be saved.

So then I started to get creative…

What if God ran Google

• It would not be spiders crawling web sites it would be saints
  
  
• It would no longer be pay per click, but kneel per click
  
  
• Safe search really would be
  
  
• Search result 12,900,000 would of course be shown first and mine would be ranked 12,899,983’rd
  
  
• Never again would you skip past a seemingly unrelated result but stop and wonder “What is he trying to tell me here???”
  
  
• Somehow the words Prayer, Worship, Faith Hope and Love would mysteriously appear in every search. Love would of course be first and in bold font.
  
  
• No matter how hard they try to remove his name, God would appear in the text of every search
  
  
• You could conduct the same keyword search day after day and get completely different and richer meaning from the results
  
  
• The poor of spirit would always get the quickest response times and best search results
  
  
• Somehow the rich guy, he just couldn’t get the search button to actually work and return any results
  
  
• All the old school web experts would be offended and refuse to consider what their search results meant
  
  
• And when the final search was hit it would return a simple message that every knee should bow and every tongue confess the name of Jesus.

Do you have any others? I would love to hear them. Post a comment.

Father I thank you for all you do to draw us near

I praise you for the creative spirit you have blessed us with

I praise you for keen intellects

Father I pray that you continue to shower us with your blessings

That we continue to seek you in all our actions in all our heart

I thank you for our salvation and hope in your son

Our savior

Jesus Christ

Amen

The Desert

I was reflecting the other day on the highs and lows of the journey to discipleship in Christ and realized I had a story to tell. Here it is.

The Desert

In 2000 I left the only company I had ever worked for to move west to California. It seemed the right move to make. I was done with my old company and the new job was exactly what I had been seeking. You know many people thought my wife and I brave. We left our country, our home, the only company I had ever known for a new life in socal. We didn’t think ourselves brave, just decisive and perhaps adventurous. As a life long catholic who had only two years prior begun to rediscover his faith, the decision process was embarrassingly secular. I did not seek Gods wisdom in prayer, I did not pray for the success of the transition. We just negotiated a good deal and moved.

We had no church to call home, we had no friends, we had no relatives within 2400 miles to lean on. We had nothing but each other. We had God of course but we did not know how to seek him. I did not know how to pray beyond a Hail Mary and an Our Father. Somehow neither seemed to be on point.

We were in a desert of our own making.

Have you ever felt loneliness? Have you felt the sting of not being able to reach out and connect with people? To suffer alone, to be a shadow of your full vibrant self, to have no friends? Do you know this pain? This is not the church of Christ described in Acts 2:42!


We tried local catholic churches, none fit. I am not sure the local churches in socal have heard of the second Vatican council. Latin masses and blind faith?! No this is not my idea of spending time with God. We continued searching. Months past, it felt like years. I prayed longingly for Godly men to come into my life to befriend. Someone with whom I could share my heart.


After months of loneliness and quiet suffering, we were invited to a Lutheran church. If only the Lutherans knew how similar they are to Catholics. It is profoundly saddening to know how much we share yet neither cannot admit to. The Lutheran tradition was so close to what I had come to love in Catholicism that the transition was softened. We quickly were welcomed into this church family and began to heal and eventually grow once again in our faith.

Was this desert a lesson? I certainly think so. It takes me back to my favorite verse in Jeremiah (29:11) Seek me with all your heart says the lord and I will be found by you. I will release you from captivity.

This desert time was long and painful, lonely and discouraging yet through it we emerged even more dependent on God, even more committed to our faith, even more resolved to move toward complete surrender and one day be a disciple totally on fire for God.

Let me end this post on the word that the Lord gave me as I wrote it for I know this verse was given to me so that I might know he was with me through this challenging time in "the desert"

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Mt 11:28


Praise be your Holy name Father

May you grant me the wisdom to seek you in all the decisions of my life

That I may make your will mine and that I would honor you always

In your son's victorious name I pray

Amen

I Look Onto the Hills

Psalm 121, my favorite.

I returned to my mountain playground this afternoon after several weeks of straight road biking. If you read my previous post What's in your wallet you will know that the fall is fire storm season and riding in the bone dry scorched brush mountains is not so safe an activity.

It has been cool and dry for a while now (60-70 degrees) California cool so I thought I could safely ride again. Returning to my outdoor prayer closet is an indescribable joy for me. You see on the road I have no private place to pray.

My prayer time today was powerful. The combination of personal weakness, solid sermons on prayer and the holy spirit, reading about prayer and surrender, listening to bible podcasts all combined for a climatic prayer experience. I was so relieved to be back in the Lords presence, so humbled to talk to him, so sad at my own weakness.

Yet the Lord is good and his grace abounds.

These past few weeks I have found myself drifting, drifting away from the Lord's protective hand. I found myself deceived by the evil one, separated and attacked. Yet the Lord's grace abounds and his love infinite. Today I confessed my sin and weakness and asked forgiveness. I interceded on behalf of many in my life who are lost and hurting. I prayed my dangerous prayer; use me Lord, your will be done through me.

For I know there is no condemnation in Christ and the weakness in me is of the flesh. I am not my flesh I am a child of the most high God, saved and washed clean by the blood of my savior Jesus Christ. Victory.

Father

I praise your Holy name.
I thank you for your son, his sacrifice
I confess my own weakness and shortcomings
I beg your forgiveness
I praise you Father.

Amen

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day for reflection and thanksgiving. I pray all my readers a peaceful day filled with family and friends. May your celebrations be all that you desire. May you find many reasons to be thankful. I hope you take the opportunity to thank those who have been a blessing in your life. may all of us recognize the source of our life and being and thank our heavenly Father for his generosity.

This is my 10^th American thanksgiving celebration after over 30 of them in Canada. It is a fascinating thing to consider the differences between the two. Today however I can only focus on the common theme of gratitude prayer and thanks.

To all my family, friends, and acquaintances I thank you for the influence you have had in my life.

I pray each of you will have a wonderful celebration of thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving

Ron

Tent City: "State and Grove"

Do you love me Peter? Feed my sheep

I looked into the eyes of Alice as I smiled and shook her hand. Alice had seen life the hard way; living out of a run down tent in the bad part of Ontario California, Alice has seen life. She had bad decaying teeth, leathered pock marked skin and tattered dirty cloths. She was searching for a blanket, maybe a newer pair of shoes.

Do you love me Peter? Tend my lambs

There was Ianna. She had been on the street for a couple of months. Her boyfriend had left her. She had nowhere to go no one to reach out to. Her tent had burned to the ground. She showed us scars on her forearm where the nylon material had scared her permanently. She was searching for a jacket and baby cloths. She shared how she was bipolar.

Do you love me Peter? Feed my sheep John 21:15-18

I said hello to Bobby. He blessed us and shared how he had been on the streets now for three years. He lived out of his truck with his old dog, his companion. Bobby could have been Jesus himself. He had deep blue eyes that seemed out of place in this land of despair.

I watched as Alice received a burger, water and some snacks from other volunteers. The gratitude was sincere. This was a lady who depended on the generosity of others. Other came through the food line, so many others.

There were those who had given up on life resignation written all over their face, others who had a glimmer of hope that seemed to be ground out of them moment by moment. A jet screams overhead clawing its way into the sky. I had been in one just days earlier taking off from the Ontario CA airport bound for Portland over this very spot. All the while I was praising God for his blessing on my life. If only that praise and blessing could have rained down on these brothers and sisters as the jet thundered over head.

There were those whose minds were not right, who struggled just to exist. Those who had fear and pain etched into their face. You wanted to wash it off to care for them to help them up. So much pain so much fear, so much despair. It hurt to watch, it hurt to be there.

In the dry dust of an empty field over 200 hopeless, homeless carved out a life, no a survival. No heat, no plumbing, no air conditioning, no sound insulation, this was a hell on earth. Yet in the midst of all the misery there was hope. Several Christian churches were there handing out food, handing out cloths, handing out love.

I was there for a few hours and it changed me, wrecked me actually. My son and I left there in a somber mood. We both thought of these people all day, we resolved to return to the tent city in Ontario. To hand out love and to share the hope of the gospel of our savior Jesus Christ.

Will you join me?

Father

today I felt your pain, your heartbreak over your children

Your people suffering, living in despair

People who have no one nothing, people who need you

Father, it was such as these you sought to save, to heal

I pray that you use me, you teach me how to care for these

to care for your people

Father I pray that this blog touches those who can make a difference

A difference with their hands and their hearts

I pray that many of your people will wake up and feel the suffering around them

and finally do something about it Father

Do not let me lose this heart ache I feel

Use me to help your people

amen

Ron

Retreat! no Advance...

I am in such a joyous place. I returned Sunday from my churches men’s retreat in a glow. I had expected to have a mountain top experience. I had expected to celebrate with my heavenly father a year of obedience spending time with him every morning. I had expected many things.

What I found was so totally different and beyond what I had hoped for. It was as if everything I experienced had happened in slow motion. I had so many revelations, so many moments of clarity, it is hard to describe. Yet it is simple. The revelation came later so much later. I returned to work Monday exhausted and aglow. All I wanted to do was worship, worship, pray and worship. What an incredible place to find myself. It was ridiculously impossible to concentrate on Monday. I basked in the glow of revelation. I enjoyed the momentary pleasure of knowing after the fact that I truly had communed with my heavenly father. I think he just held up my understanding until afterward so as to manage my tender and immature spiritual emotions.

Cabin Time

So if you did not know I am called to lead. I would find a way to lead putting out the garbage if it made sense to do so. When I arrived at the retreat, I immediately did the opposite of what I would normally do. I sought deliberately to follow, to serve, to ensure the retreat was a success. I took on any role necessary.

The message this night seemed peculiar to me. Leadership in the home. It fit the theme of the retreat but it was a stretch for me. Despite this I resolved to be in the moment and see where the spirit would lead. He led to the cabin and a particularly important discussion with the men there. We discussed the leadership role of a man in his home and family. We discussed many things. At one point I was asked why I did not pray with my wife regularly. Was it fear, embarrassment, pride? For me it was fear and self consciousness. Uncertain of my wife’s reaction to this question, I avoided it. I asked her Sunday if she would pray with me daily. Her response…Yes. I have done so for the past three days Praise God.

The same conversation was held related to children. In the end again I resolved to pray for them daily as well. This is a relief. The guilt I have carried on this front has been significant. Today I am free of this burden. Praise you heavenly father.

The River Bank

Saturday morning our pastor delivered a thought provoking message on the life of Peter. Each word seemed to cut deeply as I considered the meaning of Peter’s actions and how they related to my life. After an hour of in depth study our pastor abruptly stopped. He invoked his right as our spiritual leader, commanded us to talk to no one except God for the next hour. Get into a quiet place and talk really talk to your father, go.

I obediently left the chapel and searched for a location to be alone with God. I found a spot on the edge of a mountain stream; a place scoured by winter rivers of Californian flash flood. The cold dry ground sparkled in the weak noonday sun. Even the rocks sparkled a limp gold color in the sun. I sat in the dirt and in earnest prayed. I sought my father. I begged him to show up. Help me to clear my mind of the funk and dirt of life, those clouding thoughts that keep me from greater intimacy with him

For half an hour I quieted my mind and sought him. My mind swirled from thoughts of worldly things to deeper contemplation of my faith journey. Deep, deep within I found his words. Pride, lust, approval. I knew what he meant. My ego (pride) has my whole life kept me from surrendering to him, kept me from greater intimacy. Lust became a discussion of his victory in me. A battle to be wary of. The enemy still is on the prowl looking to bring me down. But this day, this month I am totally in him in this battle and I claim victory in his holy name. Then there was approval. I know that I seek his approval in my life as I have from my earthly father.

I lifted up in order each word. I asked for his forgiveness. I cast out each word from my person. I begged for the Holy Spirits intervention in my battle against pride. I praised my heavenly father for his deliverance on the lust front. I lifted up “approval” and sought his wisdom. I vowed to seek him just because I loved him, not for his approval. I would seek him however long necessary, I would seek him to love him. As I contemplated the word love and what an intimate relationship with God would mean…my radio squawked “Ron from Water of Life come in”

Ron From Water of Life Come in!

The moment was broken, intimacy disappeared in an instant. I could have gotten upset. I could have ignored the call. I could have done many things. This day I did what was needed. I had vowed to serve this weekend. I was to be the liaison between the retreat staff and our leadership, a Godly gopher! So liaise I did. I addressed the concern. As I let the transmit button on my radio loose, I fell to my face in tears. I wanted so badly to re-commune with God, to claim back the moment. It was gone. It was soon replaced with peace and a bright smile. I was here to serve and serve I will. No towel for me, obscurity such a better place. I served with joy and purpose dealing with the issues of the day to ensure a smooth experience for our group.

Praise and Worship

So those of you who know me through this blog know that worship is not my strong suit…yet. Well that would change too. This weekend had more time in worship than I have experienced since the last Promise keepers conference I attended a few years back.

Friday, Saturday morning, Saturday evening, I struggled. Yes there were moments where I was in the spirit praising and worshiping. I could not stay there though. Sunday morning was different. Was it the music, the song choices, I don’t rightly know. What I do know is God showed up for me. A simple whisper “on your knees” I obeyed and their started one of the most profoundly God charged worship times I have experienced. From my knees to my face, I worshiped my heavenly father. As I did so he revealed to me further that pride was not the only root, selfishness was there also

Will you pray for me?

I found myself walking to the front for an altar call. Part way there a brother from last years small group stood in praise. I asked him to pray for me, ask God to break the bonds of pride in my life. Over the decibels of the praise song my brother prayed hard for me. With a thankful hug I continued to the front. To my knees, to my face I prayed for forgiveness and deliverance to be selfless, to be humble.

Praise God. I left the retreat a changing (not changed too presumptuous) man of Christ.

How was the retreat Ron?

In the last three days I have been asked that question so many times. Each time, the Lord reveals a new detail of what we experienced together. So many moments so many stories.

I am a new creation in Christ. I am a man of God. I am forgiven, I am saved.

Praise God


Ron

He Speaks

You know when I was just coming back to the faith I struggled with those who claimed supernatural intervention. Healings, conversations with God, speaking in tongues all these things used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Frankly most who claimed them I secretly thought were either quacks or at least a lot out of balance.

I think it was a combination of three factors that kept me from seeing God in these events. First I was a skeptic. As I reflect back on my skepticism now I realize this was actually an attack, a diversion. After all if these events were real and I could see it, how could my faith not be deepened. Second was fear. Again it goes like the old confrontational question either Christ was real or he was insane. He is real of course just so if these events were real then how could my faith in Christ not grow deeper. It seemed easier to resist this than embrace things I did not yet understand. Finally these events never happened to me. As an engineer, taught in the tradition of worldly science, I had no evidence to support the hypothesis. How then could it be objectively considered and proven, it could not.

So there I was a relatively naïve and new Christian trying to come to terms with things beyond my ability to process. Yet there was hope in Christ. It seems that the Holy Spirit had a remedial course in supernatural science planned for me. It started with a great kicking the gut. He revealed to me that there was an emptiness in my soul where only God could fit.

So in case there are any non Christians reading this let me state clearly that I have been extremely blessed. All of the usual arguments of how I could fall for Christianity fall short here. In worldly terms I am not weak, I am not unintelligent, and I am not unsuccessful. In heavenly terms I yes, consider myself all these things (weak, unintelligent, unsuccessful). May God be praised and receive all the glory for through his grace these are all washed away. For it is not about me. At all. I would rather be judged a fool by men than a fool by God. Got Christ? Only one answer is not foolish to this question.

Anyway, he kicked me in the gut, woke me up. He then started to reveal to me in very small glimpses his presence in my life. I have learned that he has always been there, waiting patently for me. These glimpses would come as improbable coincidence. A word spoken by multiple unrelated people into my life, a sermon that echoed a conversation held the previous day, a book found randomly that spoke to exactly what troubled me in the faith. For 10 years now these "coincidences" have continued. I recall after about three years feeling this sense that I needed to open myself up further to the holy spirit yet knowing that I was not ready. Surrender. I would learn later that even then I knew I had to surrender to my Lord.

The story continued a Men's bible study conducted over a one year period spoke the heart of the faith to me as each week revealed clearly theme after theme of the faith. Serving in leadership at my church taught me about selflessness and revealed my own lack of the same. Small groups taught me about the importance of love and community in the faith.

All these seemingly separate concepts kept coming together. Finally prayer, sorrowful, lonely prayers brought new friends into my life. Intercessory prayers for healing from cancer were answered. Prayers for deliverance from life's challenges answered. Prayers of self surrender answered with unimaginable opportunity.

So as I sit here now writing this post, I am aware of the transformation in my heart. When people speak in tongues, get healed, speak supernaturally, now I praise God for his revelation, his grace his kindness. No longer do I question whether it is real but how lasting the impact will be.

Does God Speak? Yes.

Father I praise you for your kindness, your mercy your intervention

I praise you for your patience

For waiting on me to get it

For your faithfulness

May I serve you in love always

Amen

What's in your Wallet

I want to share with you a post I wrote on my other blog about four months ago. The lesson in the post was values and your awareness of them. In light of what is happening in communities all around my own in Southern California, this post is more relevant than ever. My perspective on the matter has if anything strengthened. What is in my wallet faith in an everlasting, ever forgiving ever loving all powerful God who gave his only son so that I might be saved, who sends his Holy Spirit to be with me each day.

Here is the post

What's in your Wallet...?

Priorities…

In October of 2003 the Mountains of San Bernardino County were awash in flames. The Grand Prix fire was in its glory burning across the countryside like a fully loaded freight train. Every evening the members of my community would gather on their street and watch as the flames glowed in the distance coming ever closer to our homes.

Rancho Cucamonga is on the edge of the deserts of southern California. It has a hot arid climate that is unforgiving in the dead of summer. Temperatures regularly top 115 degrees. Rain is scarce here. When the old song claimed it never rains in southern California, they were not kidding. A couple inches in January, February, a sprinkle in July and that’s about it for the year. You can imagine that all the brush and scrub is scorched and dry by the time the fall, I mean the fire season approaches. 03 was a particularly active and deadly year in so-Cal. It was a blessing that no one died in the Grand Prix fire but seven fire fighters down toward San Diego were not so lucky later that season in the OLD fire. Remember to say a prayer for those brave fire fighters and their families as they continue coping with their loss.

It was a Friday morning in late October. I remember it clearly because I awoke to a strong smell of smoke. I went outside to see where the fire had progressed to and was shocked. It was less than a mile from my house. Although I lived over a half mile from the fire line with other suburbs directly between my family and the fire, there was still cause for concern. You see there is an electrical right of way cutting down from the mountains running along the back wall of all my neighbors’ houses across the street from my house. The fire could burn up to within 300 feet of my front door. If the fire burns down here I thought all bets are off. It did!

So imagine being faced with an unthinkable situation. Your house and all your worldly possessions could go up in flames any minute.

What do you do?

What do you think about?

Do you panic?

Do you reach out for help?

Moments like these are, as one writer put it, when true character is revealed. I watched with fascination as a few of my neighbors packed everything conceivable into their oversized SUV’s and off to a safe place they scurried. Others casually sought hotel reservations and made a short holiday of the affair. What did I do?

I took stock of the situation and considered my values. Faith Family, Integrity, Learning Teaching. I decided that only the first two were at play here. Everything I “own” is on loan. I am a steward of the possessions God gave me. This made the decision easy. The stuff is irrelevant. It might be a good idea to grab the will, the insurance policies and the photos that could not be replaced, but that’s it. Next take care of the family. We were fortunate to be invited to stay in the home of a dear friend and pastor of our church. Tim welcomed us into his home and allowed us to ride it out. We never did worry about all the stuff. I returned home to see what was going on in the neighborhood that Saturday and saw a scene that only brave firefighters should ever see. Pitch black at 11 am. Air so thick you could cut it with a knife; ash and flaming debris floating down from the sky all around.

That fateful day taught me a lesson about myself and others. We all value something. I have heard it said that if you want to know what a person values study their check book or perhaps their debit card receipts these days. Where people spend their money is a pretty good indication of what they value. So to quote the credit card commercial…

What’s in your wallet?

Ron

Father

Today I lift up those brave souls who serve our community
those who volunteer to protect us

Father

keep all your fire fighters safe this day and all the days to come
I pray that all those misguided souls who stayed to save their homes would be with you today that they would be welcomed by you

All those caught by this tragedy would be comforted by you

In your victorious name I pray

amen

Cellars of the Heart

When I was a child I used to have the odd nightmare. You know the ones where you are falling and falling and falling or the ones where you are being chased but your feet are in quicksand. There was one other that was not so much a nightmare but often turned into one on me. I would find myself in a strange house wandering through trying to figure out where I was. Room after room passage way after passage way you try to figure out where you are. At some point just like the "B" movies you go into the basement to see if you can find the electrical panel to turn the lights on. Has that ever happen to you?

A version of that scene came to me early yesterday morning during my men's bible study when our pastor clearly spoke about surrendering to God. Only this time I discovered in that basement the boarded up entrance to a deep cellar. Covered with cob webs smelling musty and unwelcoming, this is a place that screams Danger! Keep Out! Stout dirty beams nailed with large spikes ensured no one would ever be able to pull away the covering on this deep dark opening in the basement.

Whatever did this message mean? Unfortunately I know all too well. Like most men I compartmentalize my thought life. This is a really neat male feature; it allows you to function normally when you are angry, broken, hurting, or ashamed. Without this function most men could not pretend to be normal. They would be unable to function normally their brokenness would be too close to the surface; someone would find them out.

I was dealing that morning with a rebellious sin. I knew I had to address it but was content to keep it locked away securely in the cellar to be dealt with later. There was one little problem with my plan, the Lord wanted none of it. You see I have been reading a book called Total Surrender. This book was given to me by a Christian brother who has recently started investing in my faith life.

I want nothing more than to surrender completely to the Father and have prayed humbly to do so. Andrew Murray the author of the book clearly argued that to surrender we must empty our heart of our own selfish desires for the Holy Spirit to fill us with God's desires. See where this is going.

Ironically this subject of surrender has become a common theme these past few weeks. I am no different than most guys; a little slow in picking up spiritual clues. First the book, then the bible study. Sandwiched in the middle of these was a praise song sung at a worship service. The band that night had played wonderfully, until that song. For me it was like fingernails on a chalkboard. It was not that they were playing bad, it was that I am used to hearing Jeremy Camp sing this particular song; Empty Me. I am sure that my discomfort in hearing the band play this song was intentional. I needed to hear this warning bell.

Empty Me by Jeremy Camp

Holy Fire burn away,

my desire for anything

that is not of you and is of me,

I want more of you and less of me, yeah.

Empty me,

Empty me, yeah,

Fill, won't you fill me,

with you, with you, yeah.

I love this song. This night my quest to surrender heightened. I became aware of the fact that I need to be like an empty clay jar ready to receive. I need to uncover any blemishes, any closed off areas that keep me from full surrender.

So back to the cellar

As dearly as I have prayed to empty myself I have recognized that there is yet another cellar in the basement of by heart. One that has been long secured from the Lord. I cannot let him in, it must be held back. The funny thing is for the longest time I did not even know it was there. It was hidden amongst all the other junk in me. As this junk has been slowly removed by the Holy Spirit, this door became evident.

I cannot open this door on my own, it is too well secured. I need the help and strength of the Holy Spirit. The morning of the Bible Study I asked a brother to pray for me. The same man who has started to invest in my faith life. Have you ever confessed a sin to a brother and been afraid of what they might think? Ever done it anyway? I have. That morning, the spirit helped me muster the courage to confront my own rebellion. As he prayed over me, I could sense the Spirit washing over me covering me with what felt like a force field of protective covering. As much as I want to stick dynamite under this door in my heart and blow it up, I cannot. On my own I can do nothing to break into this stronghold of sin, but in the spirit, in Christ all things are possible.

This morning I could feel the thin edge of the wedge sliding into place behind the beams holding this door.

Father I need you more than ever
If I am to completely surrender
I need the intercession of the Holy Spirit
I cannot do the work in front of me
You can
Will you Father
I need you more than ever
Praise be your Holy name

amen

Dollar Store Jesus

Yesterday I sat to write a post to this blog and found my mind as dry as a desert. It was clear that the subject I wanted to write and finish, the third installment in "What's your Story?" just wasn't the one I had to write. So this afternoon I prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide my thoughts and fingers across the keyboard. Here is what came forth...

Dollar Store Jesus

I went out for drinks with my wife, a dear friend and her spouse on night last week. We were celebrating a promotion that God had engineered in my life. My friend did not know it as she is far from God but my true celebration was in worship the day of the offer two weeks prior.

So here we were two college friends and spouses toasting a new chapter, a new season literally drinking in the possibility. She and I had graduated from a masters program in leadership and management not 18 months prior. Both of us have been forever changed through the degree. It gave us the opportunity to deepen our wisdom, challenge our assumptions and find our leadership voice. I have watched my friend grow in confidence and capability as sure as an oak tree growing along the shore of a river. I too was changed by the program. It was the first time I started to incorporate my vocation (leadership) with my faith. In the early courses I spoke tentatively of how important my faith was in my life and leadership. Toward the end I was bold, a lion waiting to roar for my God. The transformation was discernible to all who knew me but especially my dear friend.

My friend and I shared a deep sense of loyalty to the concept of authenticity. We sought transparency and absolute integrity. What you see is exactly what you get. Make a promise, deliver period. This kindred sense came though from seemingly different places. My friend has wandered from her catholic roots, some deep scar clouding her ability to see that God is real. I believe the Holy Spirit is working in her much like he did with me when I was far from him. He kept chipping away at the edges, honing my character, pointing me in Godly directions, protecting me from myself. I believe he does so with my friend as well she has not seen it yet.

My friend comes from a Hispanic background, she is volcanic with passion, she has a joy for life that is unmatched and a tireless spirit. If you are in trouble this is the friend you would want at your side, you just know you can count on her. She has an infectious laugh; often I make ridiculous comments or take on peculiar accent just to hear it. When she laughs the room brightens immediately. Her own sense of humor is well developed. When the four of us get together it is not uncommon for all of us to laugh so hard that our faces hurt for hours afterward. Each time we all seem to be surprised by the amount of laughter that comes forth. God loves to laugh I am sure. I cannot help but think he is at the center of this time.

So this particular evening was no different. It seems that my friend had family come to visit from out of state. She proceeded to tell us the stories of how her relatives took over the house like the Tasmanian devil cartoon character takes over a forest: high speed action, a dust cloud and mayhem in the wake. We laughed hysterically as she related story after story that would have been implausible had this been a sitcom. When she got to the Jesus statue and the candles I perked up. I do this when I sense that my Lord is about to be grieved. But not so this day, she related how her relative had setup their own personal shrine complete with burning candles, Jesus and a saint statue complete with the flame of the Holy Spirit. My friend was reasonably concerned that the house might actually catch fire, after all the flood, the fight and the fridge stories were already in the books.

When she finished sharing how her catholic relative setup a shrine to pray to Jesus my wife remarked how it seemed as if her relative might have bought a dollar store Jesus; hence the name of this post.

I grew up a Catholic Christian. The traditions of my church have always been a great comfort to me. I love the warmth of a group confessional prayer, the sense of chanting that spans the millennia by billions of Christians. Yet something troubled me. I have reached a point in my walk where from reading and studying the bible where I realize that Christ is every where. The veil was torn at his crucifixion. We no longer need an intercessor to approach our Heavenly Father. I am no preacher, no theologian, just a Christian; but the father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are real. They influence my life in profound ways. They intercede for me, answer my prayers, they comfort me and protect me. I don’t need a dollar store Jesus statue to pray to.

I am beginning to understand why so many Christians look at the catholic traditions and see what looks like idol worship. I know it isn’t, they just don’t understand, I reason. But yet, why a statue? Is it a reminder, a symbol of what God represents…I do not know. Blind faith is in my life not faith at all. I must seek relationship with my heavenly father. I must know him and have an intimate relationship with him. I must love him with all my heart, soul and mind. Here in lies the journey to be taken, the life to be lived, a life of total surrender. In surrendering to Christ paradoxically lies a life of freedom and love. This is what I seek.

Father

I am yours

Fully

I want nothing more than to do your will

I want to know your love and have it channel through me to the lost of this world

I want to be yours hands, feet, whatever you need of me.

Father I lift up my dear friend to you

I beg of you to heal the brokenness in her

Help that part of her that keeps her from knowing your love.

Save her father

This daughter of yours is a gift of joy

Heaven would not be the same without her

Father

I love you

Amen

Larry the Biker

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What is your story? Part II

Today I will continue on with points 4 and 3. Again this is a story that God is revealing to me real time. I share it with you as is becomes clear to me. It is a story of maturation in Christ and a story of love and faith. It is a story that will allow me to become even more resolute in doing God’s will with love and humility in this world. One day I will walk across the room to a stranger, a non believer and ask in love, if he knows our Savior Jesus.

Acts: Point 4

Last Tuesday morning I was hit with a profound revelation. Those of you strong in your faith will find this to be rather obvious. No doubt a duh!!! might be thought or even spoken. But all of us have moments where even the most elegantly simple concept has mystified us for some time only for us to finally get it. The Holy Spirit is a real being. Yes, did you know that? I really had never considered that he was. He was always a mysterious ghost like thing that you called upon to help someone in need.

Tuesday morning in a men’s leadership class our pastor stated that the Holy Spirit will prompt us to act in accordance with his will. We being dough head men will often say nah! This (my) way is better. The spirit will let us proceed, of course, taking us ever further away from his will in our lives. I heard our pastor say (it may have been early, he may not have said this but) the spirit’s feeling would get hurt. Let’s not debate whether this could be true or not. The point of the matter was that somehow God revealed to me that the spirit is one of three important beings in our Triune God. I never considered this, never recognized that I was treating the Holy Spirit as more of a tool than a part of my God.

This evening I prayed to the Holy Spirit to forgive me. I invited him fully into my heart as an equal member of my God. It was a powerful yet humble prayer. I was aware of how much I have missed out on by not recognizing this basic fact, not honoring God fully. Today this changed. I was aware of his presence, a subtle sensation / awareness came over me. I immediately lifted up in prayer several loved ones who I knew to be in need of prayer. With more conviction and release than I have ever known I lifted each up in prayer knowing that this powerful being was listening and would act on this authentic prayer.

Praise you Lord for revealing this ignorance in me so that I might repent of it and connect more powerfully with the Holy Spirit.

I can only imagine what might have been had I recognized this earlier. All those subtle whispered messages over the last number of years. Where had they come from? The Holy Spirit of course. If only I had tapped his power earlier, what good might God have done for his people?

Can you imagine what the Holy Spirit must have been thinking? Here is this dope that sometimes listens to my voice. Sometimes he even acts on what I share with him. All the while he has no idea I am real, I am God. He insults me with his ignorance but still he tries to listen he tries to ask me to act in others. What a knuckle head, maybe one day he will get it! Tuesday was that day. Praise God, Praise you Holy Spirit!

So when you pray, when you ask the Holy Spirit to act in the lives of those you pray for, do you realize he is God a member of the Trinity?

Mark: Point 3

For the past five months I have become a part of my churches outreach into the poorest part of south Fontana California. Each month we set up at a local Christian Church and care for people. I discussed this in detail in the first post on this blog Em-Manuel. It did not take long for this activity to become something I looked forward to. It is to a point now where if something were to conflict with this activity I would decline it. This outreach is too important to be missed. Manuel has become a friend I pray for regularly. David, Don, Dewayne and Mike have all changed me. Getting to know men in humble desperate circumstance leaves its mark.

For me every drop of sweat, every twinge of pain, every word of prayer is magnified. It is a moment of consciousness of my role in the Kingdom of God. It represents my opportunity to be a working healthy part of the body of Christ.

There is more to the story though. I shared a few posts ago of the passion I have been given to lead, this heavenly gift is a calling upon my life. There are two models of leadership I breathe. The first is servant leadership modeled after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Serving others, making yourself a confident, capable “last” is core to this model. I revel in it, for I know where my strength comes from. Unlike the worldly perspective on this style of leadership, I am no door mat. I say this not out of pride but out of confidence in the Lord and the gifts he bestowed upon me. Would you call Christ a door mat when he tore up the money changers tables in the temple square? Hardly! There is a quiet deep strength in this form of leadership.

The other model of leadership I breathe also originates from my faith; transformational leadership. Helping others to transcend their individual circumstance to achieve something beyond their individual capabilities, this is transformational leadership at its best.

Why do I share these two models with you? Well they relate to the transformation occurring within me. My role as a servant in this activity has created a hunger to do more for God, but it has also lived out the scriptures. My zeal to do God’s will to make myself last has led to an opportunity to take a leadership role in this outreach on behalf of my Church. According to one of our church elders it was the very fact that I served with joy that led him to ask me to help lead. It’s not about me, it is about God being true to his word in Mark. 10:44

Whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of all. Mark 10:44

Please understand I do not seek to be first, actually I am absolutely happy to stay toiling in obscurity. But God will always raise up those who are true to his word. I suppose this happens to be me in this story. Praise God

Father continue your work in me

Guard my heart, protect me from the evil one

I praise your name for the revelation you gave me this week

I praise the Holy Spirit and all he does in this world

Use me fully father to further your kingdom

I am your servant

There is no greater work than to do your will

Use me

In your son's holy name I pray

Amen

What is your story?

So what is your story of salvation? Do you know it? Are you saved? Is your eternal future secure?

Heady questions aren’t they. These are the things of spiritual giants; those fearless souls who, to quote Bill Hybels, will walk across the room and ask you. Imagine.

How do you gain that level of conviction in your heart? How do you overcome your fears of the flesh to live out real time the great commission? I really do not know.

However there has been a convergence in my heart of late of a number of spiritual truths that seem to be ready to reveal the answer to me. Over the next few days I would like to share with you what they are and how they have profoundly impacted my life. For today we discuss points 6 and 5. I am not one for conforming so we start at the end and work backward ;-) What are these truths?

1. It is better to be judged a fool by men than a fool by God
2. Loving God means worshiping him with abandon
3. Loving God’s people means serving them with a servants heart
4. The Holy spirit is a real being part of the triune God we serve
5. Trusting God is hard at first but obedience and discipline are paid in joy
6. We must always be on guard for the evil one, he will attack through your weakness

All of these truths can be traced back to a specific chapter and verse in the Bible. I cannot recall the exact location of each but I know them to be consistent with the word.

Through my prayer time, my service time, my worship time and my learning time each of these statements have been slowly revealed to me.

Ephesians: Point 6

I have learned to put on the full armor of God each day (Ephesians 6). This is kind of fun. On the top front edge of my sock drawer you will find the word peace, on another drawer the word righteousness stands proudly. On the inside of my belt you would find, Truth. On the back of my hair brush, salvation. I pray as I dress each morning that I be firm and steadfast in the Lord and that my armor protect me. I finish the prayer by taking up the shield of faith and the sword. That is another story…(point 4 that is)

Psalms: Point 5

Eight days ago I was offered a promotion in my work life I had not thought possible. You see I live my values. I have not walked a politically correct line at work; I have walked a Godly line. These two lines often clash. For this I will not apologize, my faith is vastly more important than my job. That said I have challenged people, stated my opinion (in love) that is not always welcomed and walked to the beat of a different drummer. At the same time, the Lord has blessed me with the gift of leadership. As Jeremiah put it, leadership is like a fire pent up in my bones. I cannot not lead when it is needed. So I move naturally into leadership spaces to ensure the success of my worksite. All the while I did not expect to be promoted.

In the past three months I have prayed a dangerous prayer. I want the Lord to reveal his will in my life. You name it, I will do it. I don’t care what it is I trust you, use me. I have prayed this consistently for three months. Well that was until last Monday when the Lord answered. Praise God!

I celebrated this promotion with the Lord in worship (psalm 37:4) high on a mountain range in the setting sun, Jeremy Camp leading the private worship band (ipod). Powerful stuff, not even a flat tire half way through the trip could rain on this worship. Nothing could spoil this time with the Lord.

So now I oversee a manufacturing plant with 162 employees. Heady responsibility, so many families to lead, to ensure our shared future is secure.

But then this is a Godly appointment. He is in control; I am the co pilot on this flight. I expect turbulence, I expect adversity, I expect changed lives and God to be glorified.

This is going to be fun!

I will wrap up here and continue on later with points 4 and 3. These 6 points are creating a revolution of transformation inside of me. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in mind for his story through me.

God bless you all

Ron

Life is Funny...

Did you know I have three blogs? Did you know that I teach leadership development? That is the topic of the other two blogs. It is my gift, my calling. I love it when I am given the opportunity to help others grow. Other than in praise or prayer, this is the time I feel closest to God.

Did you know that my deepest passion is in this blog? I hope so, I hope that is clear in my words here. I shared a recent post with my Pastor as an encouragement for him. I wanted him to clearly know that he is making a difference for Jesus. It was a wake up call for me since I have never considered how this blog reflects my soul. I have simply opened up and wrote from deep inside. He asked me if he could share it with others. Gulp! I hadn’t thought of that!

You know though, life is funny. This is not so much my story as much as it is God’s glory. It is him acting in me that created this blog and all its content. Often I am aware that the Holy Spirit is writing for me. Really, I am not that good a writer.

My passion is for the Lord and what he is doing in this world through me. As I sit here I can think of at least three posts I am compelled to write for this blog. Sure I can come up with content for the other blogs but in this current season of my life they seem less important than sharing moments of my faith journey with each of you. May God be glorified!

Thanks for reading. It is my hope that this post is useful to you in some small way. Perhaps some struggle I relate will strike a chord in you and help you in your journey. Perhaps it is a small encouragement. For whatever it is, I praise God.

Dear Heavenly Father

For months now I have spoken to you

Asked you to heal broken relationships

Mend hearts, heal bodies, calm minds

I have asked for peace, redemption

Wisdom, love, knowledge, patience

Grant this Father

You know the depths of my soul

You know the stains on my heart

Today and every day I am an open book

I reveal to you all that I am

Search me father and know me

Correct my wrong ways

Create in me a clean heart Oh God

Renew my spirit

May all my days be in you

My hope, my life, my destiny

They are forever yours

My Lord, My God

Amen

Alright God, Tell me if I need to go!

This is the final installment in the story of the mens barbecue from last Tuesday evening. After an eloquent speech and persuasive argument on the compelling need for men to worship our heavenly father, our pastor leveled a challenge. Any man here tonight who has made a choice of his own making, who knows he is not in Gods will, in God's plan, come to the front so we can pray for you, so you can repent.

If you have read my previous posts (The Trip I, etc) you will know that for several months now I have been praying hard for our heavenly father to speak into my life his desire for me. Tell me your will and I WILL DO IT, what ever you say I will do, where ever I have to go I will. Use me.

I considered my daily prayer, my petition for direction and then contemplated my pastors question. I lifted up my thoughts to the Lord and said bluntly Do I need to go to the front? Say the word I will go...Nothing not a word, not an emotion, not a hint. I stayed in place this night and prayed for my Christian brothers arms raised in prayer over them invoking the name of our father to forgive each of them.

As I walked away that evening, the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach returned. But there was something else there too, resolve and peace. Yes I was attacked, but I had passed the test. The following day my resolve and obedience would turn to absolute joy as I worshiped my heavenly father with all my strength in song and exercise.

Father you are Holy
I praise your name above all
I praise you in the Hills
in the streets, in the dark places
I praise you now and forever more
I praise your Holy name
I praise you for your gift of grace

In your Son's victorious name I pray

Amen

Ron

Alright! The music just ended, we haven’t missed anything yet….

Our pastor spoke this oft heard quote that echoes the halls of our church as the praise music ends and the announcements and message are about to begin. Busted I was. My wife and I regularly show up during the first half hour of our service during the praise portion, reasoning, its just music we have not missed the message. How infinitely wrong we have been in this behavior.

Our pastor continued to teach us this Tuesday evening about the meaning of the greatest commandment

Love the Lord thy God with all your heart mind and soul Mark 12:30

When Jesus uttered these prophetic words to the Pharisees all those years ago, what he was saying that we need to worship at the feet of our heavenly father. Praise him, worship him, love him.

These words were a revolution inside my heart. In my stoic world of maintaining appearances I often consider my surroundings before I ever lift my hands in worship. Why is it so hard for a man of God to praise his heavenly father? Our pastor continued. As he wrapped up this message he shared a stance he had personally taken. He said he would rather be judged a fool by men then a fool by God. With that as a backdrop I considered my own behaviors. Truly I needed to be bolder in my own faith, to worship like David not caring what man said or thought. What a place to be left, resolute in finding my own voice of authentic worship.

The next day I found myself looking clearly toward my afternoon bike ride into the mountains. I knew what was coming. I was not just going to pray this day I would WORSHIP my Lord and Savior. At the peak of my ride I prayed earnestly for revelation, for courage, for peace. I interceded on behalf of some many people I love who are broken and hurting. Today my prayers were from my knees, where I belong. (The Lord had conveniently blown a piece of cardboard into the location where I pray each day, almost as if to welcome me and say I know what you need today). At the end of my prayer in abject humility I tried to cry out in song my worship of the Lord. Did I mention that I suck at singing. Not only that but no words came to mind from any of the worship songs I love.

Well the Lord will provide! (Remember a few posts back where the Lord told me to listen to my Ipod? He did so again. After all there are only about 300 Christian songs on the thing!)

I choose deliberately. Mercy Me came immediately to mind. Their music so soulful, the lyrics pull on my heart. I started “I can only imagine”. Yes imagine a grown man standing on the side of a mountain belting out, way out of tune, the lyrics of a song. No one else can hear the music; no one else knows what this crazy guy is singing about, just God and me. It was awesome, tears streamed down my face as I soaked in the lyrics (and yelled them out) of this beautiful song and for a brief moment could conceive of what it meant to really love God.

The ride down the mountain and back to my house was even more powerful for me. My poor bike strained under the continuous blows of rocks sticking above the trail. The chain rattled off the frame as I sped onward, downward fully engulfed in my own powerful, private worship session. I hit the bottom of the trail at full speed and attempted to make a gravelly high speed turn as Mercy Me pounded into my ears. The tires bit then slipped bit then slipped, over the top of the bike I went landing standing up. With a triumphant yell of praise I hooted and hollered to my savior. This wipe out is for you, you are my rock, my savior PRAISE YOUR NAME!!!

The ride continued onto city streets, the music even louder to drown out the sound of the wind whipping past my ears. 20 miles per hour 25, I was on fire. I could not go fast enough, sing loud enough. As I made the turn west to head home the wind was fully against me slowing me to a crawl. I labored to catch my breath, the fire of worship was now in my thighs. (I was tired, my muscles were burning). Each time I caught my breath I would rejoin the chorus of the latest song. I would run out of breath and stop singing long enough to start again. By the time I was within a mile of my house, everyone must of wondered who the crazy bikin singin guy was. What a powerful experience. I am left to ponder what my next worship experience will be and whether I will scare the kids in the neighborhood…

"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Father I praise your Holy name

amen

Praise Him

Tuesday evening I had the opportunity to attend a men’s barbecue hosted at our pastor’s house. There is something incredibly powerful about 200+ men gathering on a Tuesday after work to praise the Lord and study his word. I always look forward to this event and this time was no exception.

I had a rough day on Tuesday. One of those days where you feel not quite right. A queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach dominates your day. A feeling that foreshadows a coming storm of flu or something else. I discussed with my wife early that evening how I wanted to go to the Barbecue yet my body was telling me otherwise. Stay home rest, you will need it I reasoned. As I shared with my wife how I really wanted to attend yet…I realized GO, just go. If you really are sick deal with it later, what if this is a spiritual attack, a diversion to keep you away. What ever it was I reasoned it would be far better to deal with it when it happened rather than potentially robbing God of the glory of using me in a supernatural way. So off I went.

I have only attended my current church for about 18 months and frankly I still know very few men who attend. To make matters worse men are notorious for not being overly relational. A new guy could stand on the outskirts all night and not be noticed in most groups. This one was no different. So when I arrived I saw only two men I knew. I said hello to both, exchanged pleasantries and set off in search of food. I had an underlying goal to meet someone new this night. It was not a conscious goal; it was one of those goals that kind of whisper in your ear “sit beside someone new”. So I did. I introduced myself around the table and ended up chatting with a father and son duo. It was a friendly conversation that spanned travel, work life, area history and economics. After about 15 minutes an announcement came through by our pastor that each man should consider either leading or participating in our churches effort to see every attendee plugged into a small group. Isn’t it ironic that I, the new comer, had weeks back volunteered to lead a group and was in search of couples to join, while my new friend (the son of the duo) was searching for a group near his home that he and his wife could attend? Did I mention they live four blocks from my house?

How did it work out? Will they join the group? Will lives be changed? I have no idea. I only know that I must surrender myself entirely to the Lord's will, so that his purpose in my life might be fulfilled. Tuesday I listened for his voice and heard him. But this was not the only moment he spoke to me that night. No he was there with me that evening and thankfully gave me a few other wonderful stories and praises to share.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don't lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way. Proverbs 3:5, 6

Father continue your Holy work in me

Teach me your ways, teach me your wisdom

Help me to remain open to your will in my life

More of you and less of me Father

Amen