Lord, How do I open the eyes of my Heart?

Open the eyes of my heart

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

(Repeat two more times)

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Michael W. Smith

The Heart?

I shared a few weeks back that I am an engineer. I have a tendency to look at the world with a dispassionate analytic perspective. For many years this was a significant stumbling block in my faith life. Heck for most of my life as an engineer I had no faith life. Yet somewhere along the way Jesus showed up. He brought the Holy Spirit with him and started to minister to the emptiness that had taken residence in my soul. It was a very painfully empty God shaped hole within me.

I shared the story of that time a while back as well, that is not the point here just the context. You see I want to talk about the eyes of my heart. In 2002 I first discovered Michael W. Smith. A friend had recommended him to me as an excellent Christian artist that I might like. Like, I loved him! I could not get enough of listening to his music. In fact this was the start of a six year love affair with worship music that is not soon to end. Check out My Private Worship Time if you want perspective.

There were many songs at the time that I loved yet one stood out; Open the Eyes of my Heart.

Here is where the engineer and the Christian setup a cognitive dissonance (fancy term for two opposing ideas held in the mind that cannot be resolved). Essentially the meaning of this song was lost on me. How could I see with my heart?

Well….

That was then, this is now

In the past several weeks I have had a number of experiences that when considered from the right perspective offered me a glimpse into the meaning of this song. The perspective is that of heaven or the kingdom instead of a worldly one.

There was the time when in worship and prayer my heart ached so hard for the Lord that I wanted to cry. I prayed instead, on my knees, until the feeling passed.

There was the time my heart ached for the men I work with and a difficult decision they face. I cannot bear the thought of them hurting. I prayed for them until the ache stopped.

There was the time at a worship service I closed my eyes and took in the scene. I believe the lord was clearly showing me how to see with my heart in his realm. It was so peaceful so wonderful. I was content to be in his presence and I know that had I quieted my mind even further I would have seen his angels ministering to his people.

This morning as I listened to my daily audio bible segment, courtesy of Brian Hardin, my heart leapt as the word from Leviticus started. All at once I felt present with Brian half way around the world in India connected through a supernatural link.

Close my eyes and see?

So now I know that there are times that I can close my eyes and see as he does. I can trust my heart instead of my eyes. I can trust in him and see his people with love.

I am further honored that though this gift from the Lord is momentary and seemingly random that all the prayers I have pleaded all the times I have asked for a new heart are being answered He is constructing a new heart in me, a renewed spirit. He is teaching me to love without condition to care without boundary.

I am a blessed man

In him

Ron

God is Love

This past summer I had a brief momentary opening. It was during the painful stress of being back home to care for my mother as she underwent cancer surgery. My eldest, and closest, sister and I had both returned home to be with my parents in this terrible time. During one brief respite my sister and I talked about “religion”. She knows that I have come back to the faith after many years of wandering. She has not. My sister has led a life of struggle and trial. She is remarkably successful and I am extremely proud of her and the things she has strived for and achieved. She is truly an inspiration to me. There is nothing I would want to share with her more than the faith that has blossomed in me the last ten years. I have prayed for the opportunity to do so many times in the past few years. In this brief conversation she asked me what I believed the Catholic (read Christian) faith was really about.

I knew this was a pivotal moment. The wrong words could further justify her distance, a judgmental perspective would shut her down to this topic. My sister sees the church as a man made invention to suppress women. I think in many ways religion is just that so again my words had to be chosen with care. I cried out the briefest of prayer and trusted in the spirit to put the rights words in my mouth. Love. The Christian faith is first and foremost about love. I explained what I meant and left it at that. I have wondered since that day whether the seed the Holy Spirit planted had taken root or not.

Well I believe it may have. Not in an obvious way, rather in one of those delicious ironies that God so masterfully wields to talk to us. Today I finished reading a profound book The Shack. Have you heard of it? William Young has written a book for the ages. Shades of C.S. Lewis come through for me in the richness of the pictures Mr. Young paints. This book is a heart wrenching story of love that must be read, it demands to be read. It does not matter if you believe or not it is hard not to be entranced by the elegant simplicity of this wonderful story. As the tears flowed, the lump in my throat grew there was only two thoughts invading my mind; God is love, give this book to your sister to read.

God is love indeed.

I hope my sister will love this book as much as I did

If you want to learn more about The Shack go to www.theshackbook.com

God bless.

Are you Free?

There is a verse in Second Peter that says;



a single day is like a thousand years with the Lord and a thousand years are like a single day

2 Peter 3:8



Have you ever stopped to consider what this might mean?


Recently I have been reflecting on a deliverance the Lord has granted me. For years I have fought a battle in this area for years I have failed. This was for me the thorn in my flesh the wound that would not be healed. Before I came back to the faith I really did not even consider the behavior to be wrong. Sure I had a vague sense that it was, that old catholic guilt thing. I was able to quickly rationalize my behavior and continue on oblivious to the consequences I was piling up. In the last ten years as my faith in Christ has grown I have become increasingly aware of how wrong headed I was and how much death I was sowing.


So I began in earnest to stop the behavior. I would fail each time and then the guilt of failure would convict me sending me deeper into despair and self loathing. I would cry out to God seek forgiveness and healing for my sin and start anew. Yet I would stumble and fail again and again.


I looked deeper what were the triggers to the behavior, if only I could stop them, I would be delivered! I sought these out. One by one I eliminated the triggers, only to find more or worse yet new triggers as my flesh desperately clinged to old ways. The stumble comes leading to failure.


I tried studying Christian books on the subject. How to break free from old patterns. I followed their models for years with only minuscule success. The stumble comes and failure follows and the cycle goes over again.


I tried talking to Christian friends and family. I shared my heart I asked for their support. This worked for a while accountability is a great thing especially in Christ. However in time even this broke down and again the stumble comes and the cycle repeats.


I tried crying out to God in desperation. I yelled at him, screamed, lashed out in anger, cried tears of desperation, humbled myself before him in a last ditch attempt to find freedom from my bondage. I gained some relief but in time I would stumble and again the cycle repeats.


Then something happened


There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus

Romans 8:1


I discovered what this verse means and for the first time believed it.


It is finished

John 19:30


I discovered what this verse means and for the first time believed it


Love the lord your God with all your heart your soul your strength and your mind

Luke 10:27


I finally began to understand what this verse meant and began to live it.


As you sew so shall you reap

Galatians 6:7



I began to finally understand my struggle from a spiritual dimension


This winter my pastor did an extended sermon series on Galatians and it changed my life.


I am Free


I finally understand that my past behavior was reaping present consequence. Until I accepted that I am a new creation in Christ and that ALL my sins have already been forgiven, I could not be free. Today I am free from the lie of condemnation, I am free from the selfishness of self (on this battle front anyway). I have learned to surrender my will to God. I have been delivered. I am free to choose, free to live for him, free to serve his people, free to heal the broken hearted, I am free


The Lord revealed to me that my failure was predictable. Until I surrendered to him completely, until I trusted him completely, until I truly loved him, until I stopped trying to change in my own strength, until I waited upon him and his timing I could not be free.


I am free


Praise you Lord Jesus


My brothers and sisters you too can be free


Confess your sins to Jesus and repent


Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior


He will set you free


Your brother in Christ


Ron

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind, your soul

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:29-31

If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you have no doubt heard this well known verse. It echoes through the halls and rafters of churches throughout the world. After the great commission and John 3:16 this has got to be the most famous of verses in the bible. Yet for all the time I have known this verse its meaning has always seemed so obvious to me. That is until about 5 weeks ago when our pastor used it in discussing authentic Christian relationships.

Maybe you already get this, but in the past I looked at this verse and saw the instruction to love God and to love your neighbor only. The neighbor part can be difficult at times especially when someone wrongs you, but the message is clear. Love your neighbor anyway. In fact there is another verse that says very clearly to treat your enemy with kindness, no mistaking the instruction right?

Well there was a nuance in the words that our pastor pointed out which was not previously clear. Love your neighbor how? Love them as yourself? WOW!

Do you love yourself?

In my last post I mentioned that I was going to pray about why I struggle with Christmas. The Lord very clearly gave me this verse as an answer to my prayer. I will explain.

What exactly does it mean to love yourself in a Christian context?

Do you accept yourself for who you are? Do you wish you were taller, better looking, richer, more eloquent, more healthy, less lonely?

At various times in my life I have struggled with some of these. As a leader I know that physical appearance inexplicably matters. To be six foot instead of five foot ten, to be charismatic and energetic in a room of strangers. I would be lying if I said I did not sometimes want this. To not have to deal with the uncertainty of life and be financially secure wouldn’t that relieve some stress. Heck I have always dreamed of being a professional hockey player too, lets through that old bone in!

These wants and dreams are not who I am in Christ. My heavenly father made me in his own image, he knew me before I was born. He had plans for me!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Who am I to imply through selfish desire that the Lord’s design for me is imperfect? An arrogant ungrateful ignorant fool perhaps. Who am I not to embrace who he made me? Who am I not to discover who I am in Christ and live it for all I am worth? Who am I to selfishly consider myself over his creation?

Well who am I? I am a child of the most high God, created in his own image, designed for a purpose, made to love and worship my heavenly father, made to serve his people. As I have discovered and grown in the gifts he has bestowed upon me, I have learned not only to accept myself for whom I am but to marvel at how wonderfully the Lord put me together for his purpose in my life. The closer I get to his purpose in my life the more joy I feel in my being.

So I accept myself but Love?

Well yes it gets a bit complicated here for me. Emotion and empathy are not my strong suit, yet the Lord has been growing these in me steadily. I have come to embrace who I am and find joy in being who I was made to be. The more joy I feel the stronger the positive emotions I feel about myself.

There is another side to this though. I have come to see where I am weak, where I am challenged. While I still dislike these aspects of myself, in the past there was shame, disgust, embarrassment and many other negative emotions. The Lord has revealed to me that the areas I am weak, the areas I struggle, they too have a purpose. When I hear of someone who fails publicly in areas I struggle I have empathy not judgment and condemnation. I have a strong desire to minister to others and love them because of my struggles not in spite of them.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

In some small way I think this is similar to what Christ did for us. I believe we are called to take on the burdens of others, to help them through their pain, just as Isaiah prophesied Jesus would.

Forgiveness

A key piece of this love puzzle is this concept of forgiveness. We cannot truly love ourselves and hate ourselves at the same time. So when we behave in some way that contradicts who we are we must confess it to the Lord to receive his forgiveness and we must forgive ourselves also. After all our sin was nailed to the cross of our savior, who are we not to forgive ourselves.

So I have learned to love myself. I accept who I am, I embrace God’s gifts in me, I use my weakness for God, and I forgive myself.

When I live this model well my ability to love others increases and my desire to spend time with others also increases. When I stumble the exact opposite happens, I detach and desire distance from others.

Christmas

When I was a boy the real meaning of Christmas was a mystery to me. My focus at the time was on the presents, I am not proud of this, embarrassed actually. The thing is I knew the Christmas story early on, it was told each year in mass. The story never came to life for me though; it was simply an elongated gospel reading that prolonged the time away from my new toys and stuff. As I grew the story did not change much. It always seemed that the commercial aspect of Christmas trumped the spiritual but then I had an unstable foundation. In the renaissance of my faith I have a strong yearning to connect with Christ, to put him in his rightful place at the center of Christmas.

So you see there are significant forces that always seem to steal the joy of Christmas. (Or said more correctly there are forces that I allow to interfere with my Christmas experience. I am responsible here, no victims allowed!) First my own weak sense of experience in a joyful meaningful Christmas and second my tendency to withdraw when faced with parts of me I don’t like. So each year I enter into the season as a broken record hoping for a better result and unclear how to change the experience. The result: yet another disappointing Christmas.

It is often said the first step in learning is to become aware of what we previously could not see. Is the greatest commandment the answer to a joyful Christmas? Yes I think so. I must love God fully and all the while love my neighbor as myself.

Merry Christmas

After more prayer and thanksgiving I expect this will be a different Christmas for me.

Father I praise you

for your Son

for you word

for revelation

for Christmas

for the greatest gift ever given

I praise you

amen

Ron

He Speaks

You know when I was just coming back to the faith I struggled with those who claimed supernatural intervention. Healings, conversations with God, speaking in tongues all these things used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Frankly most who claimed them I secretly thought were either quacks or at least a lot out of balance.

I think it was a combination of three factors that kept me from seeing God in these events. First I was a skeptic. As I reflect back on my skepticism now I realize this was actually an attack, a diversion. After all if these events were real and I could see it, how could my faith not be deepened. Second was fear. Again it goes like the old confrontational question either Christ was real or he was insane. He is real of course just so if these events were real then how could my faith in Christ not grow deeper. It seemed easier to resist this than embrace things I did not yet understand. Finally these events never happened to me. As an engineer, taught in the tradition of worldly science, I had no evidence to support the hypothesis. How then could it be objectively considered and proven, it could not.

So there I was a relatively naïve and new Christian trying to come to terms with things beyond my ability to process. Yet there was hope in Christ. It seems that the Holy Spirit had a remedial course in supernatural science planned for me. It started with a great kicking the gut. He revealed to me that there was an emptiness in my soul where only God could fit.

So in case there are any non Christians reading this let me state clearly that I have been extremely blessed. All of the usual arguments of how I could fall for Christianity fall short here. In worldly terms I am not weak, I am not unintelligent, and I am not unsuccessful. In heavenly terms I yes, consider myself all these things (weak, unintelligent, unsuccessful). May God be praised and receive all the glory for through his grace these are all washed away. For it is not about me. At all. I would rather be judged a fool by men than a fool by God. Got Christ? Only one answer is not foolish to this question.

Anyway, he kicked me in the gut, woke me up. He then started to reveal to me in very small glimpses his presence in my life. I have learned that he has always been there, waiting patently for me. These glimpses would come as improbable coincidence. A word spoken by multiple unrelated people into my life, a sermon that echoed a conversation held the previous day, a book found randomly that spoke to exactly what troubled me in the faith. For 10 years now these "coincidences" have continued. I recall after about three years feeling this sense that I needed to open myself up further to the holy spirit yet knowing that I was not ready. Surrender. I would learn later that even then I knew I had to surrender to my Lord.

The story continued a Men's bible study conducted over a one year period spoke the heart of the faith to me as each week revealed clearly theme after theme of the faith. Serving in leadership at my church taught me about selflessness and revealed my own lack of the same. Small groups taught me about the importance of love and community in the faith.

All these seemingly separate concepts kept coming together. Finally prayer, sorrowful, lonely prayers brought new friends into my life. Intercessory prayers for healing from cancer were answered. Prayers for deliverance from life's challenges answered. Prayers of self surrender answered with unimaginable opportunity.

So as I sit here now writing this post, I am aware of the transformation in my heart. When people speak in tongues, get healed, speak supernaturally, now I praise God for his revelation, his grace his kindness. No longer do I question whether it is real but how lasting the impact will be.

Does God Speak? Yes.

Father I praise you for your kindness, your mercy your intervention

I praise you for your patience

For waiting on me to get it

For your faithfulness

May I serve you in love always

Amen