God is Love

This past summer I had a brief momentary opening. It was during the painful stress of being back home to care for my mother as she underwent cancer surgery. My eldest, and closest, sister and I had both returned home to be with my parents in this terrible time. During one brief respite my sister and I talked about “religion”. She knows that I have come back to the faith after many years of wandering. She has not. My sister has led a life of struggle and trial. She is remarkably successful and I am extremely proud of her and the things she has strived for and achieved. She is truly an inspiration to me. There is nothing I would want to share with her more than the faith that has blossomed in me the last ten years. I have prayed for the opportunity to do so many times in the past few years. In this brief conversation she asked me what I believed the Catholic (read Christian) faith was really about.

I knew this was a pivotal moment. The wrong words could further justify her distance, a judgmental perspective would shut her down to this topic. My sister sees the church as a man made invention to suppress women. I think in many ways religion is just that so again my words had to be chosen with care. I cried out the briefest of prayer and trusted in the spirit to put the rights words in my mouth. Love. The Christian faith is first and foremost about love. I explained what I meant and left it at that. I have wondered since that day whether the seed the Holy Spirit planted had taken root or not.

Well I believe it may have. Not in an obvious way, rather in one of those delicious ironies that God so masterfully wields to talk to us. Today I finished reading a profound book The Shack. Have you heard of it? William Young has written a book for the ages. Shades of C.S. Lewis come through for me in the richness of the pictures Mr. Young paints. This book is a heart wrenching story of love that must be read, it demands to be read. It does not matter if you believe or not it is hard not to be entranced by the elegant simplicity of this wonderful story. As the tears flowed, the lump in my throat grew there was only two thoughts invading my mind; God is love, give this book to your sister to read.

God is love indeed.

I hope my sister will love this book as much as I did

If you want to learn more about The Shack go to www.theshackbook.com

God bless.

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus

So where was this verse 5 years ago, 10, 20, 30 years ago?

When I needed it...

Where was the grace and acceptance of a forgiving loving God?

When I did not understand it…

Where was the healing from shame and self condemnation?

When the pain was too much to bear…

Where was the humility of a life devoted to Christ?

When I knew nothing of it...

The answer to these questions have, for me, a similar answer; The answer lies hidden deep within the lies and deception of the enemy. For years I lived in the insanity of what most men go through. I lived in the constant struggle of good behavior followed by failure then condemnation, guilt, remorse, confession. Each time through the cycle was as if on a downward spiral staircase stuck acting as a descending escalator. You simply cannot win, every stumble takes you further away from the love and forgiveness of Christ. The failures pile up one upon another. You feel like a train wreck. Each car scattered all over the ground one upon another in a tangled mess of steel broken glass, broken flesh and heart ache.

I lived this pattern most of my formative years and adult life. Although a lifelong believer, I fell victim to the schemes of the devil so easily I look back on it with embarrassment. I feel like a cow being led to the slaughter house.

Why do we as men live in this pain for so long? How can we be released from this bondage?

Unfortunately we live compartmentalized lives. We live in secret. We think we cannot share our pain, our desperation, our desolation. We think that our identity is at risk; our very manhood will be undercut if we confess to another brother the struggle for life we engage in every day. The lie of pride, the lie of ego, the lie of shame all clever deceptions of an enemy who never sleeps.

We see a racy commercial on television and Victoria Secret models assault our thought life. Before we know it we are in death thinking things no man has a right to.

We see a shiny new Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, fill in the blank and we lust after the sleek lines, the precision engineering. We imagine what it must be like to drive such a fine automobile. We start to attack the driver. How can they have it if I cannot?! We swell up with pride at how we will be perceived behind the wheel.

We take one more drink (drug, fill in the blank) to dull the pain of profound loneliness of meaninglessness. We know we should not but we do, just one more we rationalize I can handle it.

Can you?!! Really!! I think not.

My heart is broken today and I believe it will stay that way until my Lord and savior gives me a new one. I too still fall victim to these traps but Praise God the frequency has lessened and the condemnation is gone. I have been given a gift of knowledge that the struggles I have had have been of the flesh and not of my soul. My struggles are sure to be with me for the days to come, yet the consequences of failure are so totally different.

Christ loves me, he knew me before I was born, and he has a plan for me. I take such comfort in this and know that through him all things are possible. Through him I can be a difference maker, through him I can help the Kingdom grow. I can be his hands, his feet. May his will be done on earth.

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus

Amen

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind, your soul

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:29-31

If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you have no doubt heard this well known verse. It echoes through the halls and rafters of churches throughout the world. After the great commission and John 3:16 this has got to be the most famous of verses in the bible. Yet for all the time I have known this verse its meaning has always seemed so obvious to me. That is until about 5 weeks ago when our pastor used it in discussing authentic Christian relationships.

Maybe you already get this, but in the past I looked at this verse and saw the instruction to love God and to love your neighbor only. The neighbor part can be difficult at times especially when someone wrongs you, but the message is clear. Love your neighbor anyway. In fact there is another verse that says very clearly to treat your enemy with kindness, no mistaking the instruction right?

Well there was a nuance in the words that our pastor pointed out which was not previously clear. Love your neighbor how? Love them as yourself? WOW!

Do you love yourself?

In my last post I mentioned that I was going to pray about why I struggle with Christmas. The Lord very clearly gave me this verse as an answer to my prayer. I will explain.

What exactly does it mean to love yourself in a Christian context?

Do you accept yourself for who you are? Do you wish you were taller, better looking, richer, more eloquent, more healthy, less lonely?

At various times in my life I have struggled with some of these. As a leader I know that physical appearance inexplicably matters. To be six foot instead of five foot ten, to be charismatic and energetic in a room of strangers. I would be lying if I said I did not sometimes want this. To not have to deal with the uncertainty of life and be financially secure wouldn’t that relieve some stress. Heck I have always dreamed of being a professional hockey player too, lets through that old bone in!

These wants and dreams are not who I am in Christ. My heavenly father made me in his own image, he knew me before I was born. He had plans for me!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Who am I to imply through selfish desire that the Lord’s design for me is imperfect? An arrogant ungrateful ignorant fool perhaps. Who am I not to embrace who he made me? Who am I not to discover who I am in Christ and live it for all I am worth? Who am I to selfishly consider myself over his creation?

Well who am I? I am a child of the most high God, created in his own image, designed for a purpose, made to love and worship my heavenly father, made to serve his people. As I have discovered and grown in the gifts he has bestowed upon me, I have learned not only to accept myself for whom I am but to marvel at how wonderfully the Lord put me together for his purpose in my life. The closer I get to his purpose in my life the more joy I feel in my being.

So I accept myself but Love?

Well yes it gets a bit complicated here for me. Emotion and empathy are not my strong suit, yet the Lord has been growing these in me steadily. I have come to embrace who I am and find joy in being who I was made to be. The more joy I feel the stronger the positive emotions I feel about myself.

There is another side to this though. I have come to see where I am weak, where I am challenged. While I still dislike these aspects of myself, in the past there was shame, disgust, embarrassment and many other negative emotions. The Lord has revealed to me that the areas I am weak, the areas I struggle, they too have a purpose. When I hear of someone who fails publicly in areas I struggle I have empathy not judgment and condemnation. I have a strong desire to minister to others and love them because of my struggles not in spite of them.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

In some small way I think this is similar to what Christ did for us. I believe we are called to take on the burdens of others, to help them through their pain, just as Isaiah prophesied Jesus would.

Forgiveness

A key piece of this love puzzle is this concept of forgiveness. We cannot truly love ourselves and hate ourselves at the same time. So when we behave in some way that contradicts who we are we must confess it to the Lord to receive his forgiveness and we must forgive ourselves also. After all our sin was nailed to the cross of our savior, who are we not to forgive ourselves.

So I have learned to love myself. I accept who I am, I embrace God’s gifts in me, I use my weakness for God, and I forgive myself.

When I live this model well my ability to love others increases and my desire to spend time with others also increases. When I stumble the exact opposite happens, I detach and desire distance from others.

Christmas

When I was a boy the real meaning of Christmas was a mystery to me. My focus at the time was on the presents, I am not proud of this, embarrassed actually. The thing is I knew the Christmas story early on, it was told each year in mass. The story never came to life for me though; it was simply an elongated gospel reading that prolonged the time away from my new toys and stuff. As I grew the story did not change much. It always seemed that the commercial aspect of Christmas trumped the spiritual but then I had an unstable foundation. In the renaissance of my faith I have a strong yearning to connect with Christ, to put him in his rightful place at the center of Christmas.

So you see there are significant forces that always seem to steal the joy of Christmas. (Or said more correctly there are forces that I allow to interfere with my Christmas experience. I am responsible here, no victims allowed!) First my own weak sense of experience in a joyful meaningful Christmas and second my tendency to withdraw when faced with parts of me I don’t like. So each year I enter into the season as a broken record hoping for a better result and unclear how to change the experience. The result: yet another disappointing Christmas.

It is often said the first step in learning is to become aware of what we previously could not see. Is the greatest commandment the answer to a joyful Christmas? Yes I think so. I must love God fully and all the while love my neighbor as myself.

Merry Christmas

After more prayer and thanksgiving I expect this will be a different Christmas for me.

Father I praise you

for your Son

for you word

for revelation

for Christmas

for the greatest gift ever given

I praise you

amen

Ron

The Trip IV: Duty and Self

Most of us in North America are accustomed to having a fairly generous zone of personal space. Our personal space is reserved for a select group ourselves of course and those with whom we are most intimate. In fact one of the ways we can determine how close someone is with another is by how close they get to one another and how comfortable they are when they do so. The closer and more comfortable, the more intimate the relationship in general pretty simple right?

Well, in late August I spent 6 days with my parents and eldest sister helping my mother to prepare for cancer surgery. Because of constrained time lines, further constrained budgets I ended up having precious few moments to myself alone. Sharing a hotel room with my father and all waking moments with my mom dad and sister. This is treasured time as I consider the gravity of why I am visiting. Life is short and relationships matter. I wanted to be fully present and serve with a heart like Jesus while there.

Conflicting with this was my need to be alone. Alone time is my opportunity to pray and praise God, to intercede on behalf of others in need, to seek wisdom and understanding, to seek forgiveness and healing. Other than washroom time I had zero time alone for six days. Praying in the washroom is okay but not ideal to say the least. I can't pray with my parents their catholic roots and mindset just doesn't get my relationship with Jesus. My sister is too hurt to believe right now. But she did ask about my faith praise God...

So I struggled mightily to hold this dichotomy in check and get through this time in such a way that my parents and sister knew without doubt my love for each of them. It was a challenging time, it taxed my patience to the limit, it sapped my energy down way too low, it drew heavily upon my spiritual batteries.

You know the moment before I left after the operation was over and my mom appeared to be on the mend, my father gave me a priceless gift. As he thanked me for being there and said goodbye, his voice cracked just a bit. Just enough.

No words but I knew what he was saying "I love you son, thanks for being here for your mother and I"

If you read my previous posts you will know that this is the secret way my family communicates. No outward shows of affection, just stoic acts sometimes with the cracks of emotion that say the words that cannot be spoken.

So my mom was on the mend that day and I hoped a jet for home a few thousand miles away. Secured in my heart was the knowledge that I had honored my mother and father.

I only pray that it will go well for them.

Father

I praise you
Your healing hand
Your gentle son Jesus
Your grace
Your omnipotence
Your plans for us
Your glory revealed
Your majesty and creation
Your unbounded love

I thank you for the healing hand you placed on my family
I thank you for your deliverance

Blessed be your name in all the nations on all the earth

In your sons victorious name I pray

Amen

The Trip Part II

This post was a mysterious journey for me. I started out with the idea of explaining why Jeremiah 29:13 was so meaningful to me and found myself having a brief but intense discussion with our heavenly father. The discussion and this post ended when someone seated next to me reached out to say hello. Little did I know that he was lost and in need of my help. Anyway here is the post as it was. This was an intense and powerful few moments that humbled me. In The Trip IV I will share a bit about the gentleman who reached out to me and in some future post the rest of the Jeremiah 29:13 story.

May God bless and keep you, may his face shine upon you.

Here is the post.

Jeremiah 29:13

In 2002 I had the pleasure of being a part of my first ever bible study. In this critical time in my walk I had the honor of having Fred, Chris, Raynor and Nick speak into my life in a profound way. Each of these men became a mentor of sorts as we dove into the books of the bible together. By far the most memorable book was Jeremiah. Most people may consider Jeremiah to be a dark and pessimistic book. I found it to be the most poignant revelation of the heart of God in the bible. Throughout the book you could feel the massive disappointment the Lord felt toward his chosen people. A people he had nurtured for over a thousand years. A father who became... [[At this point I was at a loss for words and prayed to God to help me finish the story, give me the right word Father, Allow me to honor you with these words. I got a different response.]] As I write this I feel the power of God saying Stop! What you want to write is no longer true. You cannot say I have lost my connection. Do not talk about the past. Instead LISTEN to the song on your IPOD

Michael W Smith sings…

Help me find the way to bring me back to you

You are all I want you are all I ever needed

Help me know you are near

Father I am humbled as I sit and try with all my heart to honor you by writing about your scriptures your holy verse you speak to me a story of hope of victory through your son Jesus Christ.

I am stunned by this revelation; our heavenly father has not spoken to me this clearly before. Just then the song on my Ipod ends and another randomly begins. (Note I often set my Ipod to shuffle and listen to songs at random it can be a fun game to see where it will go next) The next song is by Kutless, the song “Saved” I hear…

I tell you now its the only way 

To be set free from all your pain 

You must accept these words I say 

I need your focus just this day 

Let me reveal to you a friend 

He’ll give you purpose and eternal life 

He is the Christ and to Him I say 

I am speechless.

Praise be to you almighty father

Amen

Cancer in the Hills

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore. Ps 121

My family and I live in the foothills of the San Gabriel mountain range in southern California. I am blessed to have awesome trails to ride my mountain bike on just a few hundred yards from my house. This is a joyous time for me as I can spend time in prayer and in the word. It is my alone time with God.

For the past several weeks I have been coming to terms with the recent diagnosis of my mother. She was told she has cancer, again. Four and a half years ago she went toe to toe with this horrible disease. She emerged tired and bruised but victorious, Praise God. Now however the stakes are higher. A tumor was found and will be removed in two weeks.

My mother and I are not close in the traditional sense. Her generation was not one to let you know how they feel. I learned to fill in the blank spaces. Acts of kindness and sacrifice can easily be understood as I love you. A smile or friendly lilt in a voice can mean I love you.

But now, does “are you coming to visit?” mean I am scared, I can’t do this alone. Does clinging to details about accommodations belay a loss of control? What of her fear of death? How does that play out, in prayer, devotion?

I am not on solid ground here. Much like the rocks and gravel on my mountain playground the ground seems unstable, shifting and full of peril. Each of my rides has taken on a new significance. Most days I cannot wait to get there. At the summit of my ride I stop and take in the vista. As I catch my breath I pray earnestly. Most days the prayer starts with Psalm 121. Here this psalm comes to life. I can feel his presence consoling me, encouraging me, strengthening me. Like the beat of my heart pounding in my ears, Jesus is there with me. Jesus is my rock and solid ground.

He reminds me of his sacrifice, his commitment to me. On my knees I ask for a miracle that my mother would know his power, his healing. I see this tremendous mountain range and know that it would melt before him if he wished, it would be thrown down into the ocean at his command. His power is there for each of us who earnestly seek it. Those who would do his will, build his kingdom, love him and their neighbor with all their heart.

Today I am torn up by the suffering and fear of my mother. But my trust is in him and his power. Today and all days he is the one that I seek, that I love, that I will follow with all my heart. Today I pray for a miracle, I intercede on behalf of my mother. Today I call upon the name of Christ and ask that he give my mother the chance to complete her life in his peace, in his grace, carried away with gentleness and warmth. The woman who brought me into this world I pray will go out of it another day fully in his comforting hand.

May all the praise and glory be yours

My heavenly father I pray these things in the name of your victorious son

Amen