Lord, How do I open the eyes of my Heart?

Open the eyes of my heart

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

(Repeat two more times)

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Michael W. Smith

The Heart?

I shared a few weeks back that I am an engineer. I have a tendency to look at the world with a dispassionate analytic perspective. For many years this was a significant stumbling block in my faith life. Heck for most of my life as an engineer I had no faith life. Yet somewhere along the way Jesus showed up. He brought the Holy Spirit with him and started to minister to the emptiness that had taken residence in my soul. It was a very painfully empty God shaped hole within me.

I shared the story of that time a while back as well, that is not the point here just the context. You see I want to talk about the eyes of my heart. In 2002 I first discovered Michael W. Smith. A friend had recommended him to me as an excellent Christian artist that I might like. Like, I loved him! I could not get enough of listening to his music. In fact this was the start of a six year love affair with worship music that is not soon to end. Check out My Private Worship Time if you want perspective.

There were many songs at the time that I loved yet one stood out; Open the Eyes of my Heart.

Here is where the engineer and the Christian setup a cognitive dissonance (fancy term for two opposing ideas held in the mind that cannot be resolved). Essentially the meaning of this song was lost on me. How could I see with my heart?

Well….

That was then, this is now

In the past several weeks I have had a number of experiences that when considered from the right perspective offered me a glimpse into the meaning of this song. The perspective is that of heaven or the kingdom instead of a worldly one.

There was the time when in worship and prayer my heart ached so hard for the Lord that I wanted to cry. I prayed instead, on my knees, until the feeling passed.

There was the time my heart ached for the men I work with and a difficult decision they face. I cannot bear the thought of them hurting. I prayed for them until the ache stopped.

There was the time at a worship service I closed my eyes and took in the scene. I believe the lord was clearly showing me how to see with my heart in his realm. It was so peaceful so wonderful. I was content to be in his presence and I know that had I quieted my mind even further I would have seen his angels ministering to his people.

This morning as I listened to my daily audio bible segment, courtesy of Brian Hardin, my heart leapt as the word from Leviticus started. All at once I felt present with Brian half way around the world in India connected through a supernatural link.

Close my eyes and see?

So now I know that there are times that I can close my eyes and see as he does. I can trust my heart instead of my eyes. I can trust in him and see his people with love.

I am further honored that though this gift from the Lord is momentary and seemingly random that all the prayers I have pleaded all the times I have asked for a new heart are being answered He is constructing a new heart in me, a renewed spirit. He is teaching me to love without condition to care without boundary.

I am a blessed man

In him

Ron

Have you ever talked with God?

Have you ever talked with God?

I would love to say that I have and indeed in some unusual ways I have. I hear all the time about people who share stories of conversations and words spoken. Me I am lucky if a word or idea is dropped into my head. Usually it has little to do with what is going on at the time. Although there was that one time at the retreat last November when he spoke to me.

Okay yes I have the odd conversation with God. They seem to be infrequent and not a typical friend to friend conversation but rather what you might expect from a Creator of the universe to single lowly human being conversation. Yeah I have some of those.

I pray often, not continually as the Bible encourages, but definitely often. It is through prayer that I most often encounter God. Last night before falling asleep I was praying and an image came into my mind of what it might mean to have the eyes of my heart open. Don’t ask me to explain I can’t. The image was more like an emotion. It stirred my heart and gave me the clear sense of what this phrase meant.

So what the heck am I trying to say here? What’s all this talk about talking to God anyway?

Well he spoke to me this morning as clear as I am writing this post and I want to share it with you.

Flash back to Sunday morning for some context:

I was talking to a brother in Christ and co-laborer in our men’s ministry leadership team about the meaning of Proverbs 27:17. (There will be a post on this just as soon as I finish writing it!) I was explaining to my brother that this verse has a deeper meaning to me than the obvious because I am a metallurgical engineer. Whooooo fancy name, hard to spell. Yes I get it, but we all have a past this is mine. I studied metallurgy in college and this knowledge is firmly implanted in me. So I know about steel and iron and how they are worked into useful stuff, it’s what I do for a day job.

I explained to my brother the beautiful metaphor that this verse in proverbs represents to me, the depth of meaning is unmistakable. I walked him through my interpretation of the meaning of the verse and he was taken aback, he had no idea of my background and had not looked at the verse in the way that I do. We ended the conversation by discussing the possibility of doing a teaching on the metallurgical meaning of the verse at an upcoming men’s bible study.

Back to the Present

This morning we were together (my brother and I) in our churches men’s bible study. After songs of worship (where I was focused on closed eyes and open heart from last nights prayer) our pastor walked us through Galatians chapter 6. Out of left field another brother asked a question. This may seem normal but it is not. In the twenty weeks of study there must have been a total of 6 questions all together. You simply cannot manage a group of 200 guys and take questions in a window of 45 minutes. Today our pastor did.

The question was on the meaning of Galatians 6:6. After explaining the meaning of the verse (it was in relation to giving) he continued to explain the context of the verse backing up into verse 5. To my astonishment he asked the questioner what is that called when someone studies metals? “Metallurgy“, was the reply. He talked briefly about testing metal. As he did I looked at my brother and smiled what are the odds?!

Our pastor then got back on the giving theme and expounded on the importance for us men to give of ourselves in love of the king within his kingdom (not to earn to love!). He mentioned the old story of time, talents and resources, we are called to give.

About this time I started to laugh, this was no random event, this was God talking to me. The metallurgist called to lead and give of himself for the men’s ministry he is so passionate about. I leaned over and shared the story with my friend and he too laughed at the irony.

Later that day I related the story to another friend. He added a piece that cinched the deal. The guy who asked the question that started this seemingly random connection volunteers his time with the blind. He helps the blind overcome their challenge; he helps the blind to see.

Open the eyes of my heart father I want to see you

In the mean time I will abide in you

I wait for you to speak into my life

Your will be done Father

Amen

Alright! The music just ended, we haven’t missed anything yet….

Our pastor spoke this oft heard quote that echoes the halls of our church as the praise music ends and the announcements and message are about to begin. Busted I was. My wife and I regularly show up during the first half hour of our service during the praise portion, reasoning, its just music we have not missed the message. How infinitely wrong we have been in this behavior.

Our pastor continued to teach us this Tuesday evening about the meaning of the greatest commandment

Love the Lord thy God with all your heart mind and soul Mark 12:30

When Jesus uttered these prophetic words to the Pharisees all those years ago, what he was saying that we need to worship at the feet of our heavenly father. Praise him, worship him, love him.

These words were a revolution inside my heart. In my stoic world of maintaining appearances I often consider my surroundings before I ever lift my hands in worship. Why is it so hard for a man of God to praise his heavenly father? Our pastor continued. As he wrapped up this message he shared a stance he had personally taken. He said he would rather be judged a fool by men then a fool by God. With that as a backdrop I considered my own behaviors. Truly I needed to be bolder in my own faith, to worship like David not caring what man said or thought. What a place to be left, resolute in finding my own voice of authentic worship.

The next day I found myself looking clearly toward my afternoon bike ride into the mountains. I knew what was coming. I was not just going to pray this day I would WORSHIP my Lord and Savior. At the peak of my ride I prayed earnestly for revelation, for courage, for peace. I interceded on behalf of some many people I love who are broken and hurting. Today my prayers were from my knees, where I belong. (The Lord had conveniently blown a piece of cardboard into the location where I pray each day, almost as if to welcome me and say I know what you need today). At the end of my prayer in abject humility I tried to cry out in song my worship of the Lord. Did I mention that I suck at singing. Not only that but no words came to mind from any of the worship songs I love.

Well the Lord will provide! (Remember a few posts back where the Lord told me to listen to my Ipod? He did so again. After all there are only about 300 Christian songs on the thing!)

I choose deliberately. Mercy Me came immediately to mind. Their music so soulful, the lyrics pull on my heart. I started “I can only imagine”. Yes imagine a grown man standing on the side of a mountain belting out, way out of tune, the lyrics of a song. No one else can hear the music; no one else knows what this crazy guy is singing about, just God and me. It was awesome, tears streamed down my face as I soaked in the lyrics (and yelled them out) of this beautiful song and for a brief moment could conceive of what it meant to really love God.

The ride down the mountain and back to my house was even more powerful for me. My poor bike strained under the continuous blows of rocks sticking above the trail. The chain rattled off the frame as I sped onward, downward fully engulfed in my own powerful, private worship session. I hit the bottom of the trail at full speed and attempted to make a gravelly high speed turn as Mercy Me pounded into my ears. The tires bit then slipped bit then slipped, over the top of the bike I went landing standing up. With a triumphant yell of praise I hooted and hollered to my savior. This wipe out is for you, you are my rock, my savior PRAISE YOUR NAME!!!

The ride continued onto city streets, the music even louder to drown out the sound of the wind whipping past my ears. 20 miles per hour 25, I was on fire. I could not go fast enough, sing loud enough. As I made the turn west to head home the wind was fully against me slowing me to a crawl. I labored to catch my breath, the fire of worship was now in my thighs. (I was tired, my muscles were burning). Each time I caught my breath I would rejoin the chorus of the latest song. I would run out of breath and stop singing long enough to start again. By the time I was within a mile of my house, everyone must of wondered who the crazy bikin singin guy was. What a powerful experience. I am left to ponder what my next worship experience will be and whether I will scare the kids in the neighborhood…

"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Father I praise your Holy name

amen

The Trip Part II

This post was a mysterious journey for me. I started out with the idea of explaining why Jeremiah 29:13 was so meaningful to me and found myself having a brief but intense discussion with our heavenly father. The discussion and this post ended when someone seated next to me reached out to say hello. Little did I know that he was lost and in need of my help. Anyway here is the post as it was. This was an intense and powerful few moments that humbled me. In The Trip IV I will share a bit about the gentleman who reached out to me and in some future post the rest of the Jeremiah 29:13 story.

May God bless and keep you, may his face shine upon you.

Here is the post.

Jeremiah 29:13

In 2002 I had the pleasure of being a part of my first ever bible study. In this critical time in my walk I had the honor of having Fred, Chris, Raynor and Nick speak into my life in a profound way. Each of these men became a mentor of sorts as we dove into the books of the bible together. By far the most memorable book was Jeremiah. Most people may consider Jeremiah to be a dark and pessimistic book. I found it to be the most poignant revelation of the heart of God in the bible. Throughout the book you could feel the massive disappointment the Lord felt toward his chosen people. A people he had nurtured for over a thousand years. A father who became... [[At this point I was at a loss for words and prayed to God to help me finish the story, give me the right word Father, Allow me to honor you with these words. I got a different response.]] As I write this I feel the power of God saying Stop! What you want to write is no longer true. You cannot say I have lost my connection. Do not talk about the past. Instead LISTEN to the song on your IPOD

Michael W Smith sings…

Help me find the way to bring me back to you

You are all I want you are all I ever needed

Help me know you are near

Father I am humbled as I sit and try with all my heart to honor you by writing about your scriptures your holy verse you speak to me a story of hope of victory through your son Jesus Christ.

I am stunned by this revelation; our heavenly father has not spoken to me this clearly before. Just then the song on my Ipod ends and another randomly begins. (Note I often set my Ipod to shuffle and listen to songs at random it can be a fun game to see where it will go next) The next song is by Kutless, the song “Saved” I hear…

I tell you now its the only way 

To be set free from all your pain 

You must accept these words I say 

I need your focus just this day 

Let me reveal to you a friend 

He’ll give you purpose and eternal life 

He is the Christ and to Him I say 

I am speechless.

Praise be to you almighty father

Amen