Limping Out: Final

the journey back to normalcy was almost as fascinating as the exodus from the mountains. A week after the event still limping badly I attended worship for the first time. Raising my arms in praise was a new sensation. My chest stung as I did so. My heart leapt for joy. Tears streamed down my face as I realized what God had done for me anew.

Two weeks after in my small group we worshiped again. This time as I sang the words of Mercy Me "We all fall down" No I am not making this up. As we sang this song the words came alive. This was true worship. The stinging of my chest was a gentle reminder of my ordeal while the words echoed in the hills. God spoke to me in this moment. 

I was with you always you did not need to hear from me. I am with you always. I walked you out.

I was stunned. In an instant the whole journey made perfect sense. All the times he spoke to me. All the guidance, the protection, the laughter, it was all him. I was stunned. 

Please do not think I got all this the day of the accident I had no clue. It took two weeks and time in worship for it to be revealed.

Throughout this time I believed I was already healed. Nothing broken, just bruises. Through these stripes God wanted me to learn a lesson. My ribs did not crack, my ankle did not break, ligaments intact. How could this have happened? 

Did you catch the psalm?

Praise be to the LORD, 
       for he has heard my cry for mercy.

 7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; 
       my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. 
       My heart leaps for joy 
       and I will give thanks to him in song.

I love it when I get to see a part of God's plan come together.

Praise be to the father the son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen

Anticipation

Last week I was faced with a delicious opportunity; sacrifice. I was encouraged to take part in a church wide activity to draw closer to our heavenly father. Imagine several thousand believers all denying themselves in a form of personal worship to our savior. As I entered into this time I had a joy in my heart I had never before experienced. It was anticipation of something remarkable.

It is very much like my favorite verse of the bible Isaiah 40:31

“those that wait upon the lord with renew their strength, they will mount up on wings as eagles.”

The only thing is, as the week progressed each day I felt weaker. I would get short tempered, light headed, irritable. All these negative things yet each moment I experienced negativity I would pray. It is hard to describe the comfort I felt in these moments. It is what baby must experience in its mothers womb. There is a sense of a warm liquid enveloping you. You feel perfect contentment, perfect comfort and capture. You are secure. You know no pain, loneliness, fear, hunger or temptation. You are cared for, you are loved you are connected. This week I felt like this in God. Each moment of panicky desperation I would cry out to God in prayer and my father would answer. He would wrap me up in an embrace a supernatural embrace.

The devil prowled around the edges always looking for an angle of attack. A lustful thought here, an angry frustrated thought there. Yet he had no entry point. God was my rock and my protection. He would allow no attack to succeed. For five days I denied myself and God showed up so powerfully. He showed up in prayer comforting my soul, he showed up in a warm sunshine of a fading California afternoon. He showed up in a light breeze, in a business meeting going better than could be hoped for. He showed up in a confrontation that turned into peace. He showed up in worship and in love. He showed up in my children’s eyes as they watched their Dad sacrifice all week.

God showed up.

He renewed my strength.

He taught me a lesson I will never forget. Last post I wrote about how the end of our breath is the start of his. This week he showed me how it would work. All week I fasted. All week I was hungry. My body rebelled; my mind picked up its game everything in me save my soul fought against me. My flesh wanted me to live the lie of the world. The flesh is in control. You must eat, you must obey. You must be human. This lie, so cleverly disguised.

"It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' Matthew 4:4

This week I learned that no matter where we are in life we can cry out to God and he will answer. He will comfort, he will show up. When we reach the end of our self he will be there. He is our guide, our leader, our salvation our everything.

What an awesome lesson.

Yesterday after five hungry frustrating days my small group attended a church wide night of worship and prayer. We were there for the first two hours praising and praying.

The Lord is in the house!

No question. As I prayed I had a clear sense that the Holy Spirit had come upon me. He was in my prayer. What power, what an awesome God.

So the week ended. A week of sacrifice, a week of obedience a week of worship. Wow. What absolute joy, what revelation what an awesome God.

I cannot wait to do this again!

Father

I have no words, only the longing of my heart for you

Praise you

The Kingdom belongs to such as these Part II

Here is the second half of my hike onto the wilderness of the San Gabriel mountain range last month. Such a powerful time. I pray that this story inspires you to go out an meet God.

Meeting God

I had not intention of rock climbing this day do I set off to the east. Having spied a curious fireplace and stone chimney in the middle of a weed covered plain, I wanted to see what this was all about. I hiked across the plain and ran out of trail. The challenge now was to go down across the plain blazing my own trail. Knowing that this is the home of wild animals, poisonous spiders and snakes I quickly changed into hiking boots for the rest of the journey.

I traversed several hundred yards of uneven weed covered ground and in the midst of this time the Lord came to me. It was a gentle sense that came upon me that as much as I was enjoying this time with him he was with me. He made me to love the out doors he made me to experience the wonder of exploration. It was as if he was encouraging me onward into this journey of discovery. He brought to mind a verse from Mark 10:14.

Let them come to me for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

The Lord had shared with me his delight at seeing how the child in me found such wonder in this journey to be with him.

A Lone Chimney

I arrived within two hundred yards of the chimney only to find my path blocked by a trench. Recent rains had carved a ten foot deep and six foot wide chasm in the earth. It would be stupid to jump and even dumber to try to climb down and up its sheer sides. I set off to find an easier crossing. About five hundred yards downhill I found a spot where the chasm had broadened out, this provided a much shallower crossing. I jumped across and hiked back up the other side. This may seem rather inconsequential but by then I was over two hours into this hike chilled to the bone and 40 hours into my fast, climbing back up the slope was not something I wanted to do. Curiosity and wonder on this trip would be indulged.

I do not know still what to make of the fireplace. I could imagine it the hearth of an early settler to the area. I could imagine it being built by a grape farmer to ward off the chill of an early morning in his vineyard. I could imagine many a story of what this was. The facts though said that it was a solitary fireplace built of river rock and mortar. It was elevated from the ground though erosion could have made it only appear so. There was no foundation around it for a building of any sort. Could this have been built for camp outs? I don’t think so for the imprint of rafters and joists were clear in the mortar above the fire place. This used to be a building but what?

Again I prayed, perhaps this fireplace was a witness to something I would never know. Perhaps it was simply a signpost for me on my journey and I would know no more of it. I prayed for the saints, I prayed for those who stood up and were persecuted for Christ. I praised my Heavenly Father.

Rivers of Living Water

I continued on east, traversing the slope. I found a trail again and the going was easier yet not easy. I listened to the wind cutting through the hill across the plain and could almost here God whispering to me. After some time the ground once again became familiar and as it did so I recalled a sight on this part of the slope that had previously captivated me.

This area is truly a desert. We get only a few inches of rain per year mostly in January-February. What captivated me was that in the fall I found a mountain stream cutting through a deep valley. From the time I first saw it I knew I must visit it and today was the day.

Worship

I reached the edge of the valley and surveyed the scene below. From where I stood to the valley floor was a drop of about 100 feet, relatively steep and covered with small trees. A hike down would be difficult perhaps but not impossible. I climbed down extremely carefully. To fall and be injured in this place could mean a not so silent night amongst the stars. I reached the bottom climbed across the rocks to the stream. I remain amazed at the beauty of nature that our Lord has provided. A cold mountain stream cutting into a barren desert waste land, how could this be? Regardless I found a spot beside the cool waters and sat down. I soaked in Gods majesty in this beautiful place. I pulled out my bible and began to read in earnest. There were three psalms that came immediately to mind 121, 23 and 46. I read each aloud carefully and slowly, soaking in each word as I did so. I read from Revelation 22 about streams of living water and then I prayed. This was my worship session, such a powerful time with the lord. I played Jeremy Camp’s Empty Me and Chris Tomlin’s Strength Will Rise then I prayed again.

I praised my Heavenly Father in song, in prayer and in silence and wonder. I praised him for the beauty of this place. Before I left I took a page out of the Old Testament. I stepped across the stream and upon a large rock I set up a small monument to my Heavenly Father. Four stones, a large flat stone with a pile of two atop each other on one end and a single stone on the other. For here I met God and sat at his feet.

I will return to this place sometime soon. Will the monument be there? Perhaps, perhaps not, what will be there though is the image in my heart of the day the Lord and I met and went for a hike together in his wilderness.

Father thank you

Thank you for meeting me

Thank you for watching over me

Thank you for guiding my fast, for honoring my desire to meet you

Thank you for revealing to me our shared love of your creation

Thank you for being my father

Thank you for being

I know that you are God

Thank you for helping me to be still long enough to find you

Thank you for streams of living water

For life in a seemingly dead place

For safety in a dangerous land

Thank you father

In your son’s victorious name I pray

Amen

Tis the Season...

Christmas…

For all the significance this event has, for all the wonder that is Christ, I struggle with Christmas.

I would really like to understand why. When I am done with this post I will pray about this very thing.

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Is 7:14

I love the Old Testament prophesy announcing the virgin birth. I love all the wonder associated with the Lord Jesus Christ. I often want to find a way to make Christmas worship more meaningful. I want to thank God for the miraculous gift of his son.

All the while the world swirls around me and my family. The pervasiveness of consumerism is oppressive. Buy this, indulge in that, no payments for 90 days, credit trouble we can finance you, spend spend spend.

This is not what Christmas is about.

I want a Christmas where Christ is central. I want a Christmas where we wake up on Christmas morning and pray first. I want a Christmas where the glory and honor go to God not to man.

I am not big on Christmas carols. I struggled with this for some time. Fortunately I have learned that it is not that I do not like carols. It is just that I am frustrated with the same ones over and over and over and over and over. You get the point.

Last Christmas out of frustration, I purchased a Mercy Me Christmas CD. It was a mix of older songs sung their way and their own music. I loved it. This year my wife and I purchased a Jars of Clay Christmas CD, I love it too.

Praise God I can honor him in song with music I love that does not seem tired and old.

There are some things I like about the season. I eagerly anticipate this months Adopt a Block Saturday. Sharing the season of life and giving with those in need, now that is exciting! Of course I do this every month though. I look forward to meeting with my small groups and basking in our friendships, celebrating the season. I look forward to spending time with family and friends reinforcing the love that exists between us. I look forward to reaching out to old lost friends and strangers and the hope of new or renewed relationships.

What will bring me a true sense of joy in this season? Worship? Giving? Service? Time with family? New traditions? Old traditions? All these will play a role I am sure.

What works for you? How do you put Christ in Christmas?

I think it is time I prayed…

Alright God, Tell me if I need to go!

This is the final installment in the story of the mens barbecue from last Tuesday evening. After an eloquent speech and persuasive argument on the compelling need for men to worship our heavenly father, our pastor leveled a challenge. Any man here tonight who has made a choice of his own making, who knows he is not in Gods will, in God's plan, come to the front so we can pray for you, so you can repent.

If you have read my previous posts (The Trip I, etc) you will know that for several months now I have been praying hard for our heavenly father to speak into my life his desire for me. Tell me your will and I WILL DO IT, what ever you say I will do, where ever I have to go I will. Use me.

I considered my daily prayer, my petition for direction and then contemplated my pastors question. I lifted up my thoughts to the Lord and said bluntly Do I need to go to the front? Say the word I will go...Nothing not a word, not an emotion, not a hint. I stayed in place this night and prayed for my Christian brothers arms raised in prayer over them invoking the name of our father to forgive each of them.

As I walked away that evening, the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach returned. But there was something else there too, resolve and peace. Yes I was attacked, but I had passed the test. The following day my resolve and obedience would turn to absolute joy as I worshiped my heavenly father with all my strength in song and exercise.

Father you are Holy
I praise your name above all
I praise you in the Hills
in the streets, in the dark places
I praise you now and forever more
I praise your Holy name
I praise you for your gift of grace

In your Son's victorious name I pray

Amen

Ron

Alright! The music just ended, we haven’t missed anything yet….

Our pastor spoke this oft heard quote that echoes the halls of our church as the praise music ends and the announcements and message are about to begin. Busted I was. My wife and I regularly show up during the first half hour of our service during the praise portion, reasoning, its just music we have not missed the message. How infinitely wrong we have been in this behavior.

Our pastor continued to teach us this Tuesday evening about the meaning of the greatest commandment

Love the Lord thy God with all your heart mind and soul Mark 12:30

When Jesus uttered these prophetic words to the Pharisees all those years ago, what he was saying that we need to worship at the feet of our heavenly father. Praise him, worship him, love him.

These words were a revolution inside my heart. In my stoic world of maintaining appearances I often consider my surroundings before I ever lift my hands in worship. Why is it so hard for a man of God to praise his heavenly father? Our pastor continued. As he wrapped up this message he shared a stance he had personally taken. He said he would rather be judged a fool by men then a fool by God. With that as a backdrop I considered my own behaviors. Truly I needed to be bolder in my own faith, to worship like David not caring what man said or thought. What a place to be left, resolute in finding my own voice of authentic worship.

The next day I found myself looking clearly toward my afternoon bike ride into the mountains. I knew what was coming. I was not just going to pray this day I would WORSHIP my Lord and Savior. At the peak of my ride I prayed earnestly for revelation, for courage, for peace. I interceded on behalf of some many people I love who are broken and hurting. Today my prayers were from my knees, where I belong. (The Lord had conveniently blown a piece of cardboard into the location where I pray each day, almost as if to welcome me and say I know what you need today). At the end of my prayer in abject humility I tried to cry out in song my worship of the Lord. Did I mention that I suck at singing. Not only that but no words came to mind from any of the worship songs I love.

Well the Lord will provide! (Remember a few posts back where the Lord told me to listen to my Ipod? He did so again. After all there are only about 300 Christian songs on the thing!)

I choose deliberately. Mercy Me came immediately to mind. Their music so soulful, the lyrics pull on my heart. I started “I can only imagine”. Yes imagine a grown man standing on the side of a mountain belting out, way out of tune, the lyrics of a song. No one else can hear the music; no one else knows what this crazy guy is singing about, just God and me. It was awesome, tears streamed down my face as I soaked in the lyrics (and yelled them out) of this beautiful song and for a brief moment could conceive of what it meant to really love God.

The ride down the mountain and back to my house was even more powerful for me. My poor bike strained under the continuous blows of rocks sticking above the trail. The chain rattled off the frame as I sped onward, downward fully engulfed in my own powerful, private worship session. I hit the bottom of the trail at full speed and attempted to make a gravelly high speed turn as Mercy Me pounded into my ears. The tires bit then slipped bit then slipped, over the top of the bike I went landing standing up. With a triumphant yell of praise I hooted and hollered to my savior. This wipe out is for you, you are my rock, my savior PRAISE YOUR NAME!!!

The ride continued onto city streets, the music even louder to drown out the sound of the wind whipping past my ears. 20 miles per hour 25, I was on fire. I could not go fast enough, sing loud enough. As I made the turn west to head home the wind was fully against me slowing me to a crawl. I labored to catch my breath, the fire of worship was now in my thighs. (I was tired, my muscles were burning). Each time I caught my breath I would rejoin the chorus of the latest song. I would run out of breath and stop singing long enough to start again. By the time I was within a mile of my house, everyone must of wondered who the crazy bikin singin guy was. What a powerful experience. I am left to ponder what my next worship experience will be and whether I will scare the kids in the neighborhood…

"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Father I praise your Holy name

amen