The End of Your Breath is the Start of Mine

I love to ride my mountain bike. The more uncertain the terrain, the steeper the climb, the more determined and happy I become. For me there is absolute joy in riding in the wilderness, being in nature enjoying this God given gift. There are times when I feel as if I could ride forever, be totally at one with nature and my God; no greater feeling than this. Then there are other times, times when on a steep climb I reach the end of my endurance, when a cutting wind will not relent, when the rain chills to the bone, when the sun bakes the skin or the dust dries out my mouth. At these times I want to stop, catch my breath drink deeply of cool water and allow my heart to slow back down. I want a break; I want to catch my breath.

A few months back I was riding in the San Gabriel Mountains at my churches men’s retreat. A group of us had decided in advance to ride that afternoon. We drove up to the end of the street and discussed where to ride. Many wanted to ride down the fantastically steep road to the camp. What an adrenaline rush to ride a bicycle over 30 mph. A smaller group wanted just a little more. We set off up and up the trail at the end of the road. We climbed the steep trail to its end in the California wilderness. The beauty took your breath away, tall trees, crisp cold air, the faint sound of a river and wildlife in the background. Two of us decided to go a little further up yet, blazing our own trail through the pine covered underbrush and rocky ground.

I can barely convey the raw beauty of this place. To share it with a Christian brother and my God was almost too much for me. We prayed at the top of our climb basking in the glory of his majesty. While there a thought came to me. It was God speaking to me in his usual way, a quiet thought in the back of my mind. This day (this weekend for that matter) I was listening carefully for his voice. I heard him clearly and knew it would be the theme of this very post.

When you reach the end of your breath, you find the start of mine.

I knew what he meant. Stop relying on yourself and find strength in me. For in your weakness you will find my strength. This was a loving act, fatherly advice to an ignorant stubborn sinner. He was trying to save me from the grief he knew I would endure through rebellious acts of my own creation in the not so distant future.

He breathed life into me in the beginning, he will be there when I breathe my last, he will welcome me into his kingdom. His breath not mine.

On his earth I have been given an endowment. An endowment that can be used any way I choose. He wanted me to trust in him rely on him and come to him for guidance and support, for comfort and wisdom. I need to do this and stop relying on myself. I love the way he reveals himself to me. I loved that moment because I was immediately aware of his voice not some time after the fact, no it was real time.

It took a while to sink in, to realize the lesson behind the quote. Finally I get it, I understand. As I battled with sin today this story came back and guided me to surrender myself to my father in prayer. I reached the end of myself and gave the problem over to him and was delivered. I praise God for this.

I think it time to return to my mountain playground, to ride pray and worship. To lose myself in another ride and find him, that is what I seek. I want to be in him, he is my guide, my protector, my strength, my deliverer my breath.

Father I praise your name
I thank you and praise you for the gift of wilderness
I praise you for your word to me
For revealing to me a loving guidance
You are the air I breathe

Amen