Anticipation

Last week I was faced with a delicious opportunity; sacrifice. I was encouraged to take part in a church wide activity to draw closer to our heavenly father. Imagine several thousand believers all denying themselves in a form of personal worship to our savior. As I entered into this time I had a joy in my heart I had never before experienced. It was anticipation of something remarkable.

It is very much like my favorite verse of the bible Isaiah 40:31

“those that wait upon the lord with renew their strength, they will mount up on wings as eagles.”

The only thing is, as the week progressed each day I felt weaker. I would get short tempered, light headed, irritable. All these negative things yet each moment I experienced negativity I would pray. It is hard to describe the comfort I felt in these moments. It is what baby must experience in its mothers womb. There is a sense of a warm liquid enveloping you. You feel perfect contentment, perfect comfort and capture. You are secure. You know no pain, loneliness, fear, hunger or temptation. You are cared for, you are loved you are connected. This week I felt like this in God. Each moment of panicky desperation I would cry out to God in prayer and my father would answer. He would wrap me up in an embrace a supernatural embrace.

The devil prowled around the edges always looking for an angle of attack. A lustful thought here, an angry frustrated thought there. Yet he had no entry point. God was my rock and my protection. He would allow no attack to succeed. For five days I denied myself and God showed up so powerfully. He showed up in prayer comforting my soul, he showed up in a warm sunshine of a fading California afternoon. He showed up in a light breeze, in a business meeting going better than could be hoped for. He showed up in a confrontation that turned into peace. He showed up in worship and in love. He showed up in my children’s eyes as they watched their Dad sacrifice all week.

God showed up.

He renewed my strength.

He taught me a lesson I will never forget. Last post I wrote about how the end of our breath is the start of his. This week he showed me how it would work. All week I fasted. All week I was hungry. My body rebelled; my mind picked up its game everything in me save my soul fought against me. My flesh wanted me to live the lie of the world. The flesh is in control. You must eat, you must obey. You must be human. This lie, so cleverly disguised.

"It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' Matthew 4:4

This week I learned that no matter where we are in life we can cry out to God and he will answer. He will comfort, he will show up. When we reach the end of our self he will be there. He is our guide, our leader, our salvation our everything.

What an awesome lesson.

Yesterday after five hungry frustrating days my small group attended a church wide night of worship and prayer. We were there for the first two hours praising and praying.

The Lord is in the house!

No question. As I prayed I had a clear sense that the Holy Spirit had come upon me. He was in my prayer. What power, what an awesome God.

So the week ended. A week of sacrifice, a week of obedience a week of worship. Wow. What absolute joy, what revelation what an awesome God.

I cannot wait to do this again!

Father

I have no words, only the longing of my heart for you

Praise you

The End of Your Breath is the Start of Mine

I love to ride my mountain bike. The more uncertain the terrain, the steeper the climb, the more determined and happy I become. For me there is absolute joy in riding in the wilderness, being in nature enjoying this God given gift. There are times when I feel as if I could ride forever, be totally at one with nature and my God; no greater feeling than this. Then there are other times, times when on a steep climb I reach the end of my endurance, when a cutting wind will not relent, when the rain chills to the bone, when the sun bakes the skin or the dust dries out my mouth. At these times I want to stop, catch my breath drink deeply of cool water and allow my heart to slow back down. I want a break; I want to catch my breath.

A few months back I was riding in the San Gabriel Mountains at my churches men’s retreat. A group of us had decided in advance to ride that afternoon. We drove up to the end of the street and discussed where to ride. Many wanted to ride down the fantastically steep road to the camp. What an adrenaline rush to ride a bicycle over 30 mph. A smaller group wanted just a little more. We set off up and up the trail at the end of the road. We climbed the steep trail to its end in the California wilderness. The beauty took your breath away, tall trees, crisp cold air, the faint sound of a river and wildlife in the background. Two of us decided to go a little further up yet, blazing our own trail through the pine covered underbrush and rocky ground.

I can barely convey the raw beauty of this place. To share it with a Christian brother and my God was almost too much for me. We prayed at the top of our climb basking in the glory of his majesty. While there a thought came to me. It was God speaking to me in his usual way, a quiet thought in the back of my mind. This day (this weekend for that matter) I was listening carefully for his voice. I heard him clearly and knew it would be the theme of this very post.

When you reach the end of your breath, you find the start of mine.

I knew what he meant. Stop relying on yourself and find strength in me. For in your weakness you will find my strength. This was a loving act, fatherly advice to an ignorant stubborn sinner. He was trying to save me from the grief he knew I would endure through rebellious acts of my own creation in the not so distant future.

He breathed life into me in the beginning, he will be there when I breathe my last, he will welcome me into his kingdom. His breath not mine.

On his earth I have been given an endowment. An endowment that can be used any way I choose. He wanted me to trust in him rely on him and come to him for guidance and support, for comfort and wisdom. I need to do this and stop relying on myself. I love the way he reveals himself to me. I loved that moment because I was immediately aware of his voice not some time after the fact, no it was real time.

It took a while to sink in, to realize the lesson behind the quote. Finally I get it, I understand. As I battled with sin today this story came back and guided me to surrender myself to my father in prayer. I reached the end of myself and gave the problem over to him and was delivered. I praise God for this.

I think it time to return to my mountain playground, to ride pray and worship. To lose myself in another ride and find him, that is what I seek. I want to be in him, he is my guide, my protector, my strength, my deliverer my breath.

Father I praise your name
I thank you and praise you for the gift of wilderness
I praise you for your word to me
For revealing to me a loving guidance
You are the air I breathe

Amen

The Kingdom belongs to such as these Part II

Here is the second half of my hike onto the wilderness of the San Gabriel mountain range last month. Such a powerful time. I pray that this story inspires you to go out an meet God.

Meeting God

I had not intention of rock climbing this day do I set off to the east. Having spied a curious fireplace and stone chimney in the middle of a weed covered plain, I wanted to see what this was all about. I hiked across the plain and ran out of trail. The challenge now was to go down across the plain blazing my own trail. Knowing that this is the home of wild animals, poisonous spiders and snakes I quickly changed into hiking boots for the rest of the journey.

I traversed several hundred yards of uneven weed covered ground and in the midst of this time the Lord came to me. It was a gentle sense that came upon me that as much as I was enjoying this time with him he was with me. He made me to love the out doors he made me to experience the wonder of exploration. It was as if he was encouraging me onward into this journey of discovery. He brought to mind a verse from Mark 10:14.

Let them come to me for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

The Lord had shared with me his delight at seeing how the child in me found such wonder in this journey to be with him.

A Lone Chimney

I arrived within two hundred yards of the chimney only to find my path blocked by a trench. Recent rains had carved a ten foot deep and six foot wide chasm in the earth. It would be stupid to jump and even dumber to try to climb down and up its sheer sides. I set off to find an easier crossing. About five hundred yards downhill I found a spot where the chasm had broadened out, this provided a much shallower crossing. I jumped across and hiked back up the other side. This may seem rather inconsequential but by then I was over two hours into this hike chilled to the bone and 40 hours into my fast, climbing back up the slope was not something I wanted to do. Curiosity and wonder on this trip would be indulged.

I do not know still what to make of the fireplace. I could imagine it the hearth of an early settler to the area. I could imagine it being built by a grape farmer to ward off the chill of an early morning in his vineyard. I could imagine many a story of what this was. The facts though said that it was a solitary fireplace built of river rock and mortar. It was elevated from the ground though erosion could have made it only appear so. There was no foundation around it for a building of any sort. Could this have been built for camp outs? I don’t think so for the imprint of rafters and joists were clear in the mortar above the fire place. This used to be a building but what?

Again I prayed, perhaps this fireplace was a witness to something I would never know. Perhaps it was simply a signpost for me on my journey and I would know no more of it. I prayed for the saints, I prayed for those who stood up and were persecuted for Christ. I praised my Heavenly Father.

Rivers of Living Water

I continued on east, traversing the slope. I found a trail again and the going was easier yet not easy. I listened to the wind cutting through the hill across the plain and could almost here God whispering to me. After some time the ground once again became familiar and as it did so I recalled a sight on this part of the slope that had previously captivated me.

This area is truly a desert. We get only a few inches of rain per year mostly in January-February. What captivated me was that in the fall I found a mountain stream cutting through a deep valley. From the time I first saw it I knew I must visit it and today was the day.

Worship

I reached the edge of the valley and surveyed the scene below. From where I stood to the valley floor was a drop of about 100 feet, relatively steep and covered with small trees. A hike down would be difficult perhaps but not impossible. I climbed down extremely carefully. To fall and be injured in this place could mean a not so silent night amongst the stars. I reached the bottom climbed across the rocks to the stream. I remain amazed at the beauty of nature that our Lord has provided. A cold mountain stream cutting into a barren desert waste land, how could this be? Regardless I found a spot beside the cool waters and sat down. I soaked in Gods majesty in this beautiful place. I pulled out my bible and began to read in earnest. There were three psalms that came immediately to mind 121, 23 and 46. I read each aloud carefully and slowly, soaking in each word as I did so. I read from Revelation 22 about streams of living water and then I prayed. This was my worship session, such a powerful time with the lord. I played Jeremy Camp’s Empty Me and Chris Tomlin’s Strength Will Rise then I prayed again.

I praised my Heavenly Father in song, in prayer and in silence and wonder. I praised him for the beauty of this place. Before I left I took a page out of the Old Testament. I stepped across the stream and upon a large rock I set up a small monument to my Heavenly Father. Four stones, a large flat stone with a pile of two atop each other on one end and a single stone on the other. For here I met God and sat at his feet.

I will return to this place sometime soon. Will the monument be there? Perhaps, perhaps not, what will be there though is the image in my heart of the day the Lord and I met and went for a hike together in his wilderness.

Father thank you

Thank you for meeting me

Thank you for watching over me

Thank you for guiding my fast, for honoring my desire to meet you

Thank you for revealing to me our shared love of your creation

Thank you for being my father

Thank you for being

I know that you are God

Thank you for helping me to be still long enough to find you

Thank you for streams of living water

For life in a seemingly dead place

For safety in a dangerous land

Thank you father

In your son’s victorious name I pray

Amen