Limping Out: Requiem Well Almost #1

Yesterday was exactly 4 months to the day since I about killed myself hiking.

 

I would like to say I am fully healed and that all is normal. Spiritually speaking I have been fully healed since that day. As I said before the presence of God was so clear in the hours following my accident that I knew I was healed. Funny thing though my ankle did not get the memo. The first six weeks were difficult to say the least. Somewhere around 10 weeks I realized I was “almost” normal again. This despite all my wise friends and colleagues saying it might never heal fully. Yeah thanks I would say.  I started working out in week 10 and have been doing so now for 6 weeks. I feel alive and strong. Energy levels climbing by the day. Still though my ankle did not get the memo. A missed placed step and a dull shooting pain was my reward. A stretch of a joint that just won’t go as far as it used to…

 

Throughout this ordeal I wanted to live the wisdom “if you fall get right back up and try again”. I desperately wanted to go back up the mountain and thank God for my deliverance. I wanted to run the dirt and rock through my hand in the spot I fell. I wanted to see the blood stains in the ground where I came to rest. I wanted to retrace my steps as God carried me out of that place. The desire to return was overwhelming. Only thing is I knew that I could not too early, I had to be fit and strong.

 

My wife and friends wanted me to take a friend, they wanted me to play it safe. Common sense sure, wise advice certainly, but is that the way of a real man? How could I go back into Gods country with a safety net?! No this was a journey I had to take alone.

 

I decided to ride my mountain bike up there this time. I had always wanted to do so in the past but was not fit enough for the cardio beating it took to do so. I have no friends capable of this ride and only a few acquaintances who could and they just would not get the significance of the ride so I rode it alone.

 

I got to within half a mile before I had to walk. Travelling off-road up a mountain trail for over five miles will wear you down like no other workout I know, it just never ends. As I approached the mound I was stunned. You see I had secretly begun to think I has exaggerated its size. No it could not have been over 40 feet high. It was higher, at least 60! It was not that steep, yes it was. I climbed that thing?!

 

I stared at it awestruck at how blessed I was to have been delivered from this. Even though I had returned to the spot I had fallen I felt this strange urge upward. Should I? You must, a voice inside me responded, closure awaits. So I climbed back up the slope I ran down just four months earlier. I got to the top and praised God for my deliverance, thanked him for his grace. Then I began to climb down.. again…

Father thank you

there are no words to describe the depth of my gratitude for what you did for me that day

Thank You

The Kingdom belongs to such as these

Today I want to share with you a story of obedience and hope. What began as a simple urging to fast and pray for my wife and children turned into so much more, so very much more. In this post I will share the first half of my journey to meet the Lord in the mountains.

A Hike

It was two Saturdays ago. I asked my brothers in my men’s group “Have you ever felt the urge to get away and pray for an extended time? Half a day in the wilderness, I feel called to go on a hike to be with God and pray.” In these moments I felt a sense of self consciousness come over me. I love these guys, they are like brothers, I did not want to appear self righteous, I did not want to seem better than them. Actually I know that they are in many ways my betters in the faith. My question came from a sincere and vulnerable place. I had never felt this urge before and pondered if they had.

Their answers were non specific; they talked of seasons of prayer for specific causes, for the need of prayer lists, even good books on prayer life. As happens to me from time to time, their answers seemed fuzzy and missed the heart of my question. I came away feeling like they had not answered me at all. Had they never felt this urge? Did I word the question in an unclear manner? I do not know. What I did know was that I had an odyssey to plan.

Planning the Trip

I chose the day carefully, December 27^th. Far enough after Christmas to be uncomplicated yet prior to the weekend when my couples small group had an event planned. The most significant activity to plan and execute was the 24 hour fast prior to the hike. This had to be entered into prayerfully and with commitment. I love to eat I knew that only for God would I forgo eating. The fast was hard. Taking my mind off of eating was very challenging especially with Christmas leftovers sitting temptingly in the fridge. When the urge to eat became unbearable I would bow my face and pray. Each time I did so the Lord granted my temporary relief from the hunger gnawing at my belly.

The day began innocent enough. I packed a backpack with hiking boots, frozen (the night before) water bottles, nutrition drinks (just in case), my cell phone (emergency use only), my ipod (with a vast array of Christian music), the book Restored (Neil Anderson) and most importantly my Bible.

A Cold Winter Wind

I was dressed in layers to ward off the early morning chill and what I expected to be breezy conditions on the south side of the San Gabriel Mountains, I would not be disappointed. I walked the two mile distance to the edge of suburbs to the start of the North Etiwanda preserve. Those who have read my posts will know this is the place I ride my mountain bike and go to pray often. I listened to Restored the whole way thanks to Brian Hardin who read the book as part of his podcast ministry Daily Audio Bible. Mr. Anderson’s book is excellent and a must read for Christians at any stage of their walk. I stopped to pray often as the hike up is intense, a great primer for what was to come.

The early part of the hike was to retrace the path of my mountain bike rides. I stopped and prayed at my normal bike ride place. I continued on to the site of my private worship session when I was promoted a few months back and prayed again. Then onto the areas I had not yet covered. There is a high plateau in the hills just before the actual mountains that can be seen from anywhere in the city. It is unremarkable except that there are two mature Pine trees standing sentinel over it. It is such a contrast to see deep green pine tress in a sea of scorched brown hill side. For the entire 7.5 years I have lived here I have considered hiking to this place, all the while imagining that God himself would meet me there. The hike was hard straight up no breaks other than those I took. True to form there was a strong cold gusting wind working against me the whole way up. The fast I had been on was now taking its toll digging into energy reserves I did not know I had. Yet I soldiered on believing that God would meet me on this plateau.

It was both distressing and fascinating to see the hand of man on this hillside. I had expected pristine hardly touched landscape but instead found spent shotgun shells, broken beer bottles, and random debris scattered along the worn out trail. At one point I saw an old Dodge Van used as target practice. I rusted hulk riddled with the blast holes of gunfire.

A Plateau but not a Peak

I arrived at the plateau with a sense of jubilation. Now I will pray, now the Lord will meet me. Funny how things worked out, this was the most underwhelming part of the trip. I said a prayer but felt that although God was with me he had something else planned. So I took a break, took some photos and took in the view of the inland empire stretching our before me. It was quite a sight but this place was not to be the highlight of the trip.

I continued onward and upward, I hiked up till I ran out of trail and the very mountain range was upon me. The wind here was bitterly cold and the sweat off my back soaked my cloths turning into a chill to the bone.

I will post the rest of the story of this wonderful trip in a few days.

In the meantime I wish everyone a happy and blessed new year

May our Heavenly Father bless you richly and be with you always throughout this coming year

Ron